The Video

I’ve been itching to write this post since Sunday. I posted this video and the response I received overwhelmed me because it was so positive that I was still crying (happy tears) the next day. Folks were sharing the video. Another single mom texted to let me know how encouraged she was. One of my biggest supporters sent me an encouraging message to just hang in there. The comments on the video were thoughtful. I thank each of you for taking the time to hear the genuineness of my heart and not see anything negative. I was beyond nervous being that vulnerable and transparent. But not today. Magic has happened. Ok, I don’t believe in magic so I’ll say the unveiling has begun. The pains are yielding a harvest. You are reading this like what? Without saying too much opportunities to serve, encourage and empower will result from that one video as well as what God is teaching me, how He is transforming me. Let’s reflect on this scripture:

“Being confident of this, that He who has begun

a good work in you will carry it on

to completion until he day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Preparation for the promise has been a long time coming. The vision lingered because I wanted what I wanted and my plan was my plan. This has been a 16 year process. When I say the birth of my son is the reason I began to draw closer to Christ, it is THE TRUTH. Did I become perfect? NO! Am I perfect now? NO! but I am committed to living a life that is a reflection of God’s love, walking in surrender to the plan He has for me and showing others a caring friend in Jesus not some dictator who is a figment of my imagination shoving His will off on me. This has not been easy. There were so many paths I could have chosen to make life easier and better (what I thought was better) for KT and I. God’s grace kept me from choosing unwisely. Single parenting is one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. Nights I walked the floor trying to figure things out. Nights I laid on the floor praying and crying. Days I smiled when I was in turmoil. I was dressed up and shattered in a million pieces.

I kept going for KT. I stopped dreaming for me and started seeing his life as the opportunity to get it right. To not screw up. I poured myself into parenting. I still pour myself into parenting. The difference now is that I realize I only temporarily suspended my dreams to help my son reach his goals. They didn’t die. When he did or does well. I am well. When he succeeds. I win. He’s a reflection of me and his father. We want the best for him. More importantly, he wants the best for himself. I wholeheartedly embrace and celebrate the fact that I created this human who is excelling. I can do so unapologetically because I know who is with us. The journey was rough. Hard. Dark. Dreary. A tumultuous ride. But today I can honestly say that I am alive.

I can sense the start of something new for me and KT. It’s so exciting to be preparing for his final year of high school and all the fun of college selection while I began to reinvent myself for the after party. Can we say KT’s mom will be getting her groove back? Yeppers! I am not yet who I am to be. I am evolving along with my son. I don’t think it was a coincidence that we began a loc journey together almost 4 months ago. That was just the beginning of what has been purposed for us unfolding. God is intentional. He will work all things out for our good. He will restore. He will give again and again and again.

Be steadfast. Unmovable. Be confident the work will be completed. You and your child(ren) will reach the finish line. So continue to press. Find some great villagers who can assist in various ways. Keep a best friend or two that you can be real with #sisterhood. A prayer partner is a must. And if you can/need it, therapy works wonders. Remember to dream BIG. Be fearless. See you at the finish line. #RunForrestrun

If you are single parenting I would love to pray for you.  Email your request to KTsdivamom@gmail.com

Positioned for Purpose

I was going to title this What Kenny said but didn't. In case you cared, lolol! Kenny is my oldest brother. He's the one I can talk to about anything. No shade to my other siblings cause Cookie's (our fantabulous Mother) children are thick as thieves and close than President Obama's Secret Service detail. We were raised with a strong sense of family and for that I'm grateful and blessed.

So what Kenny said to me one day was that "God created a position for David." Let that sink in. Keep thinking and sinking.  More, more, MORE. I'm feeling frisky with my words because I'm excited about this truth. David was a youngster at home tending sheep and goats but his destiny was slaying a giant to become a King. The preparation was fighting lions, tigers and bears #OhMy. He even served on the King's court. If that isn't preparation for the promise.

Here's why you can dance like this over what Kenny said:

1. The position God created for David wasn't occupied. All David was required to do was sling the stone. All you or I have to do when in right position is make a call,  show up somewhere, send the resume, JUST make whatever move God is saying make including relocating. Walk into your position. Tis the season!

2. After killing the giant, David was celebrated and eventually became King. His work mattered and affected so many his name was known throughout the land. Don't seek notoriety. Let your goal be to know Christ and make Him known. Therein lies your promotion(s) and you'll be well known to the One who matters more than anyone else.

3. Before David killed Goliath or became King, he was positioned in what appears to be a holding place simply playing a harp. When in actuality, that position was necessary to prepare David for the hard times that would come with the good. The scripture says he served  on the Kings court. Even Jesus came to serve. 

Where-ever, whomever and for however long you are giving and giving and giving and the return is someone trying to 'kill' you as King Saul did David, DON'T QUIT! Your breakthrough is in the serving. It requires a certain heart and mindset that produces patience, discipline and love to remain faith in a hostile environment. These fruits are necessary at the top.

I could go on and on. I could overwrite this post but nope, you just need to know that the same God who created a position for David not once but multiple times is alive and willing to work on your behalf.

Positioning,

Unplugged

In December, I went home to visit my family for the winter break. It was a short, welcome and much needed trip. There are specific folks that I must see when I’m home. Trying to do so in such a short amount of time can make a mini vacation even more tiring but my strong connection to my family makes it a must. This particular trip there was someone I wanted to spend time with and was prepared to do so. That was until I realized that doing so was going to put a damper on my holiday, vex my spirit and disturb my peace.

Ok, ok it wasn’t an immediate epiphany where I heard angels singing and I knew the relationship had changed. The realization came slowly. It started with a phone call. I was informing the person that I was in town and wanted to see him. He was with his girlfriend and they were having their normal argument. Strike one. I was in no mood for the drama. Girlfriend passes phone to him. He’s intoxicated. He’s out! He’s always been intoxicated for as long as I can remember.  Despite my prayers, my talks, my cheering him on believing he could/would find himself and become the man I always upheld him to be, meeting my son and knowing I would never tolerate drugs or alcohol around him…he was intoxicated. To what extent I didn’t know and didn’t care. Is there even a level after you’ve spent a lifetime ducking and dodging the foolery? Lucky (and I don’t much believe in magic) our cell phone connection wasn’t that good and the call dropped. Warning much? I made myself unavailable.

Fast forward two days, I decided to drop in on him and have that visit. It was the middle of the day. Surely I could have a decent visit and return to West Palm Beach a bit happier for the time shared. Nope, he wasn’t home and I discovered after I left town that deep down I was seriously like really really really glad. Overjoyed because I didn’t have to sit in the thick of years and years of him making the same bad decision. I won’t argue that addiction isn’t a strong hold. I lived a nightmare during my childhood years but I’ve seen the power of healing and transformation. It can happen. It takes work. Hard, grimy dirty work but the rewards are great. The kind worth holding on to so you keep putting in the work just like you do for any other lifelong goal.

Sat in my therapist’s office and shared this story with her. I cried. For many reasons. I was letting go. I didn’t/don’t/won’t make space in my life for ANYONE to drain me. I am not GOD or a god. I can’t fix others. Fixing me has taken work and I’m still working. I love him. Always have. Always will. There was never an ill word spoken to change my view of him. But I am done. I’ll see him when I can and if I don’t I won’t carry any guilt. Toxicity will spread and eat at you until you become a walking empty vessel. Don’t allow it. You have every right to be free from your past, negative relationships, hostile environments!! That is why Christ came to give me abundant life. I plan to partake. I am partaking. I feel better. Lighter.  I’ve walked into more light.

Evaluating connections to others and choosing to disconnect may be painful but your life purpose demands it. Live. Love. Laugh. Be unapologetic when you unplug.

No Longer Blue

Sweater// Old Navy

Top// H&M

Skirt// ASOS

Shoes// Payless

Smile// My own

Often times we say we are happy and it doesn't radiate from our being. But can I tell ya'll that I am becoming more and more in tune with Christ. This new me is because of my relationship with him. Daily to day living is stress free because I've decided that's the way I want to live. When I find myself slipping into negative feelings I pray, find something to laugh about (church videos work well) or journal. All I ever wanted was to be whole emotionally, spiritually and physically. I'm on my way.

Beloved, I pray that in all things 

thou mayest prosper and 

be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

3 John 2 ASV