Twenty Sixteen

If you are reading this it means you made it. I’m delighted for what’s in store for you and I. I’ve been anxious to write a reflection post about last for the past few days but I’ve been doing more sleeping and watching Xfinity To Go than being productive. This may be a long post. I find myself reflecting on not what’s behind but what’s ahead. Last night at church Pastor Whitney Shipman ministered from the following scripture:

Isaiah 43:19 NLT

For I am about to do

something new. See, I have

already begun! Do you not

see it? I will make a

pathway through the

wilderness. I will create rivers

in the dry wasteland.

As a PK I’ve been in many New Year’s Eve services or watch night meetings as we called it in the country but the message ministered on the last day of 2015 resonated so deep in my spirit that I wanted to throw myself on the altar and weep. Not from sadness but from having everything the Holy Spirit   has been speaking to me during my winter break confirmed. See I’ve used this time for the normal things like enjoy family, read, relax, Christmas shopping for the kid except this time I took it a step further and tapped into a tweeny tiny bit of selfishness. I sought the Lord. Not with my mouth but my ears. I want to hear. With my heart. I need to know my divine purpose for 2016. I can’t remain in the place I am regarfing my career or financially. These are the two biggest areas I’ve been working extremely hard on last year.

Why those two areas? Those are my stressors. It’s no secret I’ve been wanting out of the educational field for a few years now. If you are going to get on your soap box and ask why haven’t I just walked away refer back to the second stressor. I haven’t been wise with money and we (educators) don’t get paid much. As a single parent I’ve sacrificed in areas over the years. Some of those decisions were good and others were bad. The positive in it all is I’ve grown tremendously in the last year. My favorite word to myself is “NO!” I’ve saved like I never have before even when I still struggled to get the bills paid on time. I paid myself first. Imagine the pride I felt when I was able to see the money I had saved.

Teaching. My gift. What I can do so easily. What I love. What I hate. I can’t go on waking up for 180 days with dread looming over. I felt the panic attacks and the heaviness returning so I’m back in therapy. One reason for this is because I’m my own top priority and I have a kid that I need to be healthy for. The goal is to utilize this service to get through the school year and plan my exit for 2017 (KT’s graduating year). The irony here is I want to continue servicing youth. Even funnier is I was persuing a Doctorate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (more family than marriage since I’m the poster girl for singleness). I am still leaning towards someday completing my studies even if I am as old as Sarai. You know Abraham’s wife. #sochurchy

Here I am in the first day of 2016 and I’ve launched the first part of my plan. My birthday is in 20 days. I have no idea how I plan to celebrate but I plan to prepare by seeking the Lord more than I have before to have Him settle me concering where I should be. I’m reading two fantastic devotionals on my Bible app. You can find them here and here. I’ll be working on my vision board this Sunday. I’ll continue to write in my prayer journal and share here what I am learning. Already I’m...

This is the word that I felt tapping me on the shoulder this morning when I awoke. It occurred to me at some point in 2015 that I was struggling with living purposefully. My therapist noted that I am surrounded by family and friends, that I’m plugged into my community and that I serve and yet I haven’t felt alive in a while. We are working towards intentionally. She’s helped me to see that my gift is still very valuable but the time has come to shift and take the message elsewhere. I don’t know exactly yet where that will be. I’ve fought relocating, I’ve fought coming off preachy but the truth is I’m a Jesus love and a preacher’s kid it really is in my genes {my Grandmother was a minister), I’ve considered a nonprofit and such and still at the end of the day fought all these things. #absurdity Time for faith to drive out fear! 

The ideas are bouncing around and need to be orchestrated to create the life Jesus died for me to have and live while impacting the Kingdom. No this doesn’t mean I’ll go to seminary and preach, well teach from a pulpit but I will teach others what I’ve learned along this divamomsjourney. The times I’ve felt broken, confused, bewildered, hurt, rejected, loved, celebrated, cared for, envied, not good enough, pride and full of pride are all lessons that someone will benefit from and I plan to teach them openly with transparency.

So darlings, here’s to 2016 the year of INTENTIONALITY. Moving from the old into the new in Christ Jesus. From the wilderness into a life of purpose. There’s rivers of life where my daily living reflects my devotion, obedience to the Lord. Here I go. Oh and if I falter along the way it is my hope that I find a lesson in that too. Patience and complaining are two vices I need to rid myself of.

This is my command-be

Strong and courageous!

Do not be afraid or

discouraged. For the

lord your God is with

you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 NLT

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