Tuesday, December 27, 2016

On Christmas Day

How was your Christmas? This year was the first time I spent the day alone (but not lonely). I did have a moment or two in which I had to tell the Grinch aka Satan to SHUT UP and stop lying to me. I mean cmon’ it’s the most wonderful time of the year and there was no way I was going to allow circumstance to take my focus off of the One who came so we could have a day off, spend money and swap gifts. None of which I did. It was a hard battle but Christ and I won. I have been INTENTIONAL about stopping to get on my knees and praying if I find my emotions been stirred into negativity and this has helped me tremendously to stay settled.

I hafta admit I was freaking out a bit thinking if this is what empty nesting is going to be like, I don’t want no parts of it. I started wishing for the gift of Krystopher to going to sleep and waking up my baby boy again but that’s not happening so I NEED to start figuring out what a divamomsjourney will look like after Summer 17. The assurance I have that all is and shall be well are the moments now that have given me a glimpse of what the future holds.

Holiday Happenings

I have been praying about NEXT long before my kid entered his final year of high school. Teaching was what I did to be on the same schedule as my kid so as not to be away from him so much since I was single parenting. I actually had plans to transition from teaching into counseling. Earning m PhD didn’t go quite as ‘I had planned” but similar doors to speak and empower both young people, single moms, parents and women have given me the same joy as behind closed doors counseling has and would.

Holiday Happenings

I am not exactly sure where my next destination will be but I am EXCITED ! I’ve tossed around the idea of teaching abroad, relocating to the same city KT will attend college, earning another Masters degree or teaching on the collegiate level. I have the skills just seeking the Lord for His leading to the opportunity that will allow for me to earn income while building in the Kingdom. So much in the past shaping my future but in a positive manner. All I ask is for our God to go before me and lead the way. 

1 John 5:14-15Amplified Bible (AMP)

14 This is the [remarkable degree of] confidence which we [as believers are entitled to] have before Him: that [a]if we ask anything according to His will, [that is, consistent with His plan and purpose] He hears us.15 And if we know [for a fact, as indeed we do] that He hears and listens to us in whatever we ask, we [also] know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted to us] the requests which we have asked from Him.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Thy Will Be Done

Wednesday I went to court for a deposition regarding the incident from the previous school year which resulted in a student spraining my neck and back. You can read about it here and here. I arrived a few minutes late and hustled to get to where I needed to report. Unfortunately, I had left the subpoena at home. The front desk information clerk would know right? Wrong. She sent me to another floor and suite. The clerk on that floor and in that particular suite couldn’t see any juvenile cases so she couldn’t give me any information and this was after I waited in line for over 10, maybe 15 minutes. The 2nd clerk directed me across the hall on the same floor to another suite but not the main section. Here directions were something like go left and left. Or was it right then left or the opposite? By now I’m losing all the cool and calm I possessed before arriving. Every ounce of peace Pastor Mom prayed over me was 2 secs from being completely gone.

I make it across the hall and I check the calendars that posted for the day regarding hearings and depositions and whatever else the sheets included. There was no 9:30 listings the time of my appointment. The clerk who worked that window wasn’t there. The clerk in the next cubicle peeked and said he’d get someone to help. That someone had no documentation of where I should head and had to call someone else! While she was on hold the State Defender called me and after finding out she forgot about me and THEN her decision not to come look for me after asking for my location, we were able to get the show on the road. Now I’ll tell you I was sizzling in the room because I was asked questions that were an attempt to paint me as a horrible educator. Well I pushed back all the noise in my head and answered truthfully and forthrightly. Over and done. THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR ME BEING INJURED AT THE HANDS OF A STUDENT.

As soon as I exited the building so many emotions came back. Mostly ones that were going to take me into a negative space if I entertained them. I’ve been in this career 12 years and before I show up for 180 days to cause a child harm I’d work at the gas station pumping gas and cleaning windshields. That’s how passionate I am about saving children’s lives. That’s how sincere I am about doing my best even when I’ve been physically battered and deserted by the company I work for and school personnel at the school site. I always try to remember I have a kid who will receive blessings or curses based on what I put out. This keeps me from treating kids who treat me like crap the same way. Well maturity too but I sometimes don’t want to be the mature adult. Don’t act like you can’t relate.

What I realized as I have been doing so many times in this year is that nothing I go through is wasted. My heavenly Father knew and knows about all of the incidents of my life before they happened. He knew and sees all the good and the bad pieces to the puzzle of my life. This knowledge allowed me to make a conscience decision that I was going to remain professional with the attorneys, check my emotions and not allow the negative ones to overshadow the beauty of the day and rest in the truth that God’s will is going to be done regarding the outcome of the situation. I must accept whatever it is good or bad. The growth isn’t for those who have wronged, abused and abandoned me.

This insight is going to take me through and out of 2016. God has pruned and pruned me so that I am not learning to say ok Lord whatever You say, whatever Your will. I know that it is best for me. Misrepresenting his name only brings shame to the Kingdom. Truth of the matter is He won’t allow the trials of life to take me out and cause me to give up hoping in him. Hillary Scott has a song titled, Thy Will. It speaks to confusion and following Christ and sometimes still ending up in a painful place. That’s life. It happens to us all. Instead of allowing that moment to separate me from God’s love and peace, I sat quietly in my truck after I vented to my Godmother and waited for the Lord to comfort me.

He did. She sings in the chorus 4 words, Thy will be done over and over. I embrace His leading fully for the remainder of this year. I’m ok with no. I’m ok with the unexpected. I’m ok with not being yet all that he’s called me to be. I’m even ok with a little teeny tiny bit ok with this case being dragged out and my name being dragged but Jesus covered that on the cross. With a sincere heart, I move through the rest of the days fully aware that His will shall be done even when it’s difficult to count the happenings all joy. I have my health back. My son and I didn’t miss a meal. The bills were paid. There was gas in the truck. And that’s just the physical needs that were met. God increased me and my capacity to rely on Him, my trust in Him and what I know to be true about him.

Thy Will

I am NOT alone!

Monday, November 28, 2016

The Future

I keep starting and a post then I get distracted and I never finish. It’s frustrating because some days I wake up and want to write instead of heading off to work. Other days there’s so much in my head, I find myself overwhelmed with the thought of putting together a post that will satisfy me until I have another pressing desire to write. So I end up not following through but not tonight! It’s the last day of Thanksgiving/Fall break at 11:42 and I’m up writing. I needed this. We are closing out 2016 SOON, I’ve changed so much since this post and I want to share parts of these lessons with you. There were days it wasn’t easy nor did I have the desire to be intentional in pursuit of pleasing God or being purposeful and living well but I believe I did. My life is better for it. I hope you are able to feel and sense it through my writings.

I’ve spent most of my time since returning to work, working of course and supporting my kid’s college dream. I wish someone had told me the amount of work it takes to prepare for college. I mean I went and all but I applied to two schools in-state and that was that. Not my son. Kid has BIG dreams and I am here for them! Who doesn’t want their child to have a better life than the one they are living and what parent wouldn’t do anything to help their kid reach the goal. So we’ve been busy with all the things we laid out to finish his senior year strong. I’m one proud momma but oftentimes tired.

The Future

If you are wondering where is the ‘me’ and my goals in all of this, I have to truthfully admit my dreams are still on the back burner. Not so much because I don’t have the time but I feel that I am in a new season of transition and preparation. I was sharing with my mom on the phone Sunday evening that I am experiencing the same feeling that I had 12 years ago when I decided to move away from my small hometown, I so desperately wanted to try something new and different. I had no husband, no savings, no roommate or relatives nearby. I just wanted to go and spread my wings and I did. I had a 4 year old toddler and a dream. I survived so much then and I’m stronger.

I’m also still adventurous and I’m itching for something new. Not necessarily a place but something different. I’m being stretched and challenged now so I know my next destination in life will be one that will require me to dig deep and rely on all the lessons I’m learning now. I can’t say that I know fully all that the future will hold once I’m an empty nester but I know that time will present opportunities to step away from comfort and be more purposeful in m living. From Intentional to purposefully journeying.

The Future_2

I know I’m not the only single mom/woman in a state of suspension. Between the here and now. We aren’t complaining about our current assignment but we aren’t yet satisfied that we are living our best lives after parenting. We aren’t solely focused on being wifed or making millions but being used by the Creator to share our story and the lessons we’ve learned in hopes that someone is inspired. I want someone to see the way God has made especially during the desert seasons and realize they too can live well.

There’s so much more to come here. Thank you for your patience as I move towards giving more here without sacrificing other areas of my life. Send a friend here to read old posts who needs to read transparent stories of triumph and trials and tears and joys with a whole lotta highs and lows. Oftentimes when I need it most a post will pop up and I am so moved by the words I’ve released. This is when I am doing my best work, when I am giving you raw and heartfelt writing. I am fortunate to have this gift. It ain’t perfect. I’m sure my grammar needs some work. But it’s mine and I’m honored to use it.  In all things I give thanks for each time I’m able to hit publish.

In His love,

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Finding Beauty When Broken

There’s a song I love called ‘Joy’ by Housefires. Part of the song reminds us there’s beauty in brokenness. I know this to be true. I’ve seen so much good come from the bad I’ve experienced since April which is a HUGE blessing. Ya’ll know I’m very genuine here so I’m just gonna come right out and type that on the other hand; I can’t quite see, sense or feel the joy in returning to teaching. I knew it was what God wanted when I sent the email stating I would be returning to the same school site. I know this now with certainty. What I also know with certainty is that I had hope that at the llth hour God would have opened a new door that paid better, would allow me a desk and office space, heck even a cubicle and I would be at peace pushing paper #wishfulthinking. Never in a million years did I truly expect to be serving again at the place I became the victim of a crime at the hands of a student I was entrusted to teach. But I am.

Ya’ll it has been so difficult for me. Not the kids. The students are fine. Difficult where I cried every day the week of preschool and slept every day this past week after work. I was mentally and emotionally drained. Even today I’m trying to tell myself that I have the capacity to do this when I know that is so far from the truth. I don’t. I’ve been broken and all of the educator me leaked out. I was reading my Jesus Calling by Sarah Young devotional Sunday morning and it spoke to healing. How Jesus sometimes healed everything all at once or other times as part of a process. He said, “I rarely heal all the brokenness in a person’s life (it’s written as if Jesus is actually talking to you.” I was able to breathe a bit easier and let myself off the hook. It’s ok that I’ll never be the same educator, employee, coworker I was last school year. At least not so quickly.

God showed me who folks truly were and he showed me me. Y’all I’ve got some work to do and some work God is still doing! #prayforasistah What he hasn’t shown me is purpose. I know it is produced out of pain but I was kinda hoping I’d have a clue by now. Like what is going to be my ROI after I give and give and give again this academic school year. Will I get a promotion? More money for the college bound kid. A longer vacation that requires a plane ride to get there? Cause I never feel like there’s any reward in being called to this profession. I haven’t always felt this way but for a few years now I’ve done everything I could to quit and move on and I’m still here. Some days feeling stuck. Like I’ve been cursed with this gift that keeps giving out but doesn’t give or satisfy the owner, me.

I struggle with a burning desire to be doing work that matters and I can see the results. To be considered as one of the magical black girls doing something worthy, a joy to be celebrated. I now it’s weird for you to be reading these typed words but I feel like I’ve disappointed my mom, Goddie in choosing teaching. I;ve played the what ifs and why game so much no one else can win: If I had done xyz in school. Been smarter. Gone to law school. Not be single. Not be a single mom. On and on and on. Pondering how I’ve sacrificed being a better mom to my son because I had to put other kids before him from open house to putting up with the behaviors and being a mom when they needed it. After I got hurt I realized that education didn’t love me the way I loved it and I was ready to quit more than I had ever been. Cause who wants to be a punching bag? Not I said the cat. #linefromabook

In all of this I know that God is with me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 reminds me that it’s ok to be weak and rely on Christ to see me through the next 35 weeks. I know it’s His doing because I’m operating on zero. I hope to get to a place of acceptance where I can see all the good in this part of my journey. Where I am ok with this hardship because I’ve never once fallen and been unable to get back up. Heck I wanna wake up one morning more enthused about seeing kids than I am because I just get to wear clothes. My truth. Don’t judge my entire teaching career based on it…shrugs! For now I attempt to rest in the promises that come to sustain me from God’s word daily as I walk out this season of my life.

Here’s a few things I am asking you to do besides pray - please please PLEASE don’t take the work your child(ren)’s teacher does for granted. They learn to value what you value. Some of my fellow educators have put their entire heart into teaching and learning only to have it stabbed and stomped and kicked around the school year like a soccer ball. Encourage your son and/or daughter to appreciate the gift of learning. Teach them to respect the classroom leader and their peers. Hold the teacher to a high standard. We like it. At least I do. And hold the lawmakers and administration accountable for decisions made. Maybe just maybe this is what will encourage teachers like me to stay. 

Romans 12:6-7  “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. 
If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 
if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;”

Monday, June 27, 2016

Shattered Faith

At the beginning of 2016 I wrote this post. I just knew this year would be the season of reaping. I would get all the things I’d been longing and praying for. God was going to grant me a way out from teaching. I was going to be propelled into destiny and the things neatly laid out in my vision journal would manifest. KT and I would be on our way to a better life and my money woes were going to be nonexistent. Chile none of that happened. In fact, just the opposite occurred. March 8th my world was turned upside down and stomped on, jumped on and what felt like to me spit on. I shared a teeny weeny bit in this post but fear, anger, disappointment, rejection, depression, emotional and physical hurt/pain, stress, distress, worry, anxiety, doubt, pride, impatience, loneliness, feelings of inferiority, unbelief, guilt, failure, discouragement, oppression,  depression, blaming, wrong attitude and every other negative feeling and thought showed up and sat on my chest. Yeppers smothered me like Flat Stanley. #references

I know what you are thinking. Not me right? The one who posts positive quotes and scriptures all the time. Not me who wanted to believe the best of everyone and their intentions. Not me who looked good for the camera. Not me who practiced speaking life instead of death. Now I’m not painting me or my life as perfect but I was intentional about living in a place of peace. I had fought hard to regain serenity in my life and assured my therapist I was going to protect it at all costs. See what I wrote there? I was going to. And I did. Until a life altering moment thrust me into worker’s comp, a forced UNPAID leave from my job, relationships dying instantaneously, caring for my son being in jeopardy and the icing over of my teaching heart. It took exactly 3 weeks for this to happen. Like a sore that won’t heal and festers. I was taken under. I couldn’t eat for a month. Thank God for Missionary Vee and my Mom! These ladies found a way to get food into my mouth and my belly. Shameless plug……Dear Mommy, thank you for always always saying save some money. I’m salty about my vacation this summer tho. #soserious 

The biggest hit was to my heart and my mind. I can say this now but I couldn’t earlier in this process Satan is not after my job, my bank account or my provision. He is after my faith. My trust. My hope. My mindset. He had me all discombobulated and distraught. Cause y’all know I am waiting on God to apologize for allowing this and explaining to me why it happened right **insert sarcastic gif** There are days when I am praying and weeping because I have zero idea how this will continue to play out. Cora Jakes may have coined faithing it but I am living it out daily! The devil pumped up the pain for the win with this trial. I don’t know if this would have shaken me so much if the previous years were pleasant but they weren’t.
2012 – My Granny dies leaving a hole in my heart and our family structure. She was the glue.
2013 – Mom’s hubby dies & her cancer returns. Aunt diagnosed with breast cancer.
2014 – Aunt diagnosed with bone cancer.
2015 – Aunt dies from breast cancer.
2016 – Student sprains my neck and back and I’m deserted by school site and penalized by the district for speaking up about the cracks in the system.

Before I do a somersault and cheer notifying y’all that I’m still here; let me tell you what it took to keep standing. A lot of bending. Well not physically but prayer can happen any time, place, location and position. If nothing else was strengthened, my prayer life has been. The two best lines that were birthed out of this and I stay spitting are “God is faithful!” and “I thought I knew God but I got to know God in a real (tanglible, we are bffs) way!!” I swear I thought I was going to start having panic attacks. From the way my case was handled by school personnel to the Union doing nothing to assist although I’ve paid them for 11 years all the way up to the district level. When the Corporate Care worker tell ya to make peace with working for a company that doesn’t care about its employees, huni you are in a bad situation. So what did I do to get to this moment? Cried. Prayed. Add scriptures to my prayer wall. Sat still and trusted. Listened for direction. Repeated. Repeating.

Huge appreciate for my sorority sisters who jumped right in and did what was needed for me and the kid. For the three amazing prayer warriors who stood with me, no are standing with me in faith that this season will bring blessings after the rain has gone. The love I hold for family and true ride or die I’ll help you pay the bills friends who were willing to grease their face and fight somebody for every act of kindness that has kept/is keeping me going. I’m getting weepy. Types faster, LOL!! And you reading this story. I hope you are more aware of the gracious God who sees and provides for every one of our needs. His will is still perfect. How can I say this? He didn’t come to grant me any of the things I was clinging to. He came to offer the gift of salvation. Eternal life. I can’t expect a fallen world to protect me and care for me. Did God use individuals to bless and support us? Of course, that’s Kingdom principle but the goal was growth. I’ve been increased and been enriched. I never wanted the child to be punished. I did want him to be held accountable. It cost me something to fight that particular fight but awareness of who I am, choosing me and caring more about the bigger picture for African American students makes it worth it. I’d change a few things about this journey but then I lose the lessons. No bueno. DRAWING CLOSER TO CHRIST WORTH IT ALL.

What I learned was /am learning is forgiveness, what vengeance being the Lord’s is scripturally about, to be grateful (life can change in a split second), how much I have that I don’t really need, money will not prevent God from getting anyone’s attention (duh JOB taught us this), beside prayer being powerful it is uninhibited communion with a real living Creator who cares and acts, that I’m stronger than I thought I was when I became a single mom 17 years ago, my childhood struggles, losing both my Grandmothers, battling cancer with so many women I can’t bear to think of walking through life without and so much more that could have been the breaking point of me quitting.

I fell down but I got up. I KNOW confidently there is purpose in this pain. HE HAS BEEN INTENTIONAL.The story is still being written.

Saturday, June 25, 2016


Summertime is the right time for an off the shoulder look to help me get back into the swing of living. I purchased this dress from Forever 21 about two months ago while I was planning out summer vacation with my mom and son. And then my world somersaulted me into the unknown! Today I’m just delighted to be right side up. Despite, I was ecstatic to celebrate my son’s 17th birthday and conclusion of his junior year of high school. If you follow my Snapchat, you might recall I had spent a few hours at the beach the day before so my glow was fresh. #poppin

My plan was to have dinner with the kids (there was 17 teenagers total) and slide off to walk around the downtown area. The plan was to  catch's someone’s eye but nope they wanted to hang with me the entire evening. I told my work daughters they were keeping me from getting booed up. Why’d I do that? They went into let me find you a man mood. Teenage girls are silly. I enjoyed the unsolicited help. But as of today, I am still single and ready to mingle. LOLOL! I plan to wear this dress again. It might have the magnetism needed for a summer romance :) 

Dress // Forever 21
Sandals // Off Broadway Shoes
Tote // Macy's
Pom pom // High Heels High Goals Boutique

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Current Playlist To My Life

Image: Pinterest

I’m that girl. The one who has a song for every memorable event in life good or bad. I believe God speaks to me through songs. Well most of them cause recently I lowkey started jamming to Kent Jones’ Don’t Mind. Judge me! God is still in the saving bidness. She said konichiw. #songlyrics Whatever that means. Let me know if I should delete this.  And no I am not gonna Google the lyrics because my kid said I shouldn’t. Listen to your kids moms.

But if I had to compile a list of songs that haven’t pulled me through the latest highs and lows of my life. The songs that were playing during those scenes that were molding me into who I am yet becoming as God continues His precious work in me it would have to be these:
* Broken Vessels – Hillsong
* We’re Blessed – Fred Hammond
* It Is For Me – Miami Mass Choir
* Never Runs Dry – Housefires
* Glory to the Lamb - Geoffrey Golden
* Forever – Bethel Music & Kari Jobe
* Heroes – Amanda Cook
* Intentional – Travis Greene
* All To Him – New Life Worship
* You Will Perform – Geoffrey Golden
** I Look to You – Whitney Houston
** I Didn’t Know My Own Strength – Whitney Houston

I’ve had at least one of these songs on repeat for 6 or more times depending on where my mood was trying to take me. Others I’ve played for the entire day. Yes one song until I heard it so much I blocked it out. I’d go to bed listening and wake up singing the lyrics in my head. It was just that serious. My injury and all the challenges I faced fighting for me were unable to drown me when I lost myself in reading my Bible, writing in my prayer journal and a constant stream of worship. I believe God ministers directly to my current situation through this avenue. When this happens I experience the same lifting that occurs when I read a book where the words are more than just printed on the page and I am captivated & transported. I can imagine this is the constant exhilarating feeling of the angels as they worship in heaven 24/7 #slayage!

Krystopher has even practiced on his drum set this week since we’ve been confined to being at home after his oral surgery. #raremoment Listening to him strive to perfect his craft and increase his gift gave me pause. I mean think about it. Hearing/witnessing my son does for me no matter what type of day I’m having reminds me of what David did for Saul. Changed his life. Uhmazing! The power of music is truly influential. Science backs this up. Create your playlist wisely. The lyrics one absorbs can encourage and strengthen or weaken and destroy. So grab your headphones and plug into a soothing song and block out the negative noise.

Happy Listening,

Monday, June 13, 2016

Truth Tee

Pray to Slay 2

I had zero plans to be away so long. I was starting to be consistent as I gleaned during my devotional time and God was downloading messages for me to write. But if you follow my Instagram you know that I was injured by a student on March 8th. I attempted to handle the situation using the proper channels at my school thinking the system would work for me but ummmm NOPE! I've sat down to write about the incident a few times and I just couldn't bring myself to do so without getting emotional. Now that I've processed it in therapy my current mindset has shifted from the hurt and pain. I had to work hard to avoid depression, anger and unforgiveness. I've been saying throughout this entire ordeal that God has been faithful. Without a relationship with Him, this situation could have taken a turn for the worse and gotten real ugly. That's why a prayer life is vital. I can't slay if I don't pray.

I've spent the past few hours writing. Team no sleep was welcomed. It was productive. God just lifted the block. I'm excited to share! What better way to kick off reconnecting with you all than with a fashion post. Took these photos while I was still forced into flats full time. I debated sharing because I don't feel they are the 110% me but perfection isn't me at all so I'm ignoring the negative noise and sharing.

Pray to Slay
Sunnies // Versona
Tee // hisblessedone.com
Skirt // Windsor Store
Lace Up Flats // Nordstrom Rack
Clutch (Ipad case) // Neiman Marcus Collection Target

Saturday, March 26, 2016

FEAR Can't Live Here Anymore!

No more fear!

March 8th my life was changed dramatically. At this time I'm unable to reveal all the details but SOON. I'm one of those people who will pray a prayer thanking GOD for the air we breathe even if it is polluted. But that day and in the days ahead when I was unable to do things especially taking care of my kid, I came to the realization that life really is short. God put me here not just to declare what I want to be according to His will but to actually DO IT! #teamNike

I've been a whole lot of lip service. I've failed myself, you my readers, my son. I've pushed and challenged him musically. Finally last Sunday he joined the praise and worship band on stage for morning services. Both. He played for Jesus before 600 people (that's almost 1200!!!) and here I am still asking God when? YOU MAY SIDE EYE ME PROMPTLY NOW!

I've received every confirmation that He has said yes. I really have. Doors have been opened for a few years. I can acknowledge that I've stayed where I am too long. Part of it was due to disobedience. God given dreams never work outside of His will. Psalms 91 The other part is fear and worry that dream chasing would leave me and my son begging for bread. Psalms 37:25 should have helped me with that part but umm yeah I was too I to myself and my abilities. I NEEDED a 3rd degree. Cause y'all know credentials mean I'm capable and ready right? #nopaaa

The absurd mindset I was operating in. The I can. I will and I shall. Not can God, He will and He shall. Back to the life changing event, the thought leaving physical therapy one particular day that my body would never be the same brought on a stream of tears. I had just spoken to my nephew concerning working out again once the fitness centered was completed in my complex. And then to be unsure. No way!! I started thinking about how much I given and sown and sacrificed and prayed and watched and cared and....and start the cycle again, 1. because I believe in our young people and 2. it was the career I choose. I was clearly shown by the actions of many that this season is quickly coming to an end. What I've been praying for. It was a bittersweet realization but if my current world hadn't fallen apart I would never have received the messages GOD has been sending for months that I won't fail in His will.

Now I'm not going to make a crazy rash decision but I'm going to pick up the pace on preparation. Fear is paralyzing. I've been paralyzed! I can't anymore. It's like when the children of Israel had enuff! It was time to go. They knew God was with them. They didn't know what He'd do in the days ahead but that was the demonstration of faith. I don't either. I might have to eat meals that aren't extravagant. I might hafta loose to win but if He sent manna in the wilderness, I can trust that He will send manna to me aka whatever the need is will be met. I can clearly see the hand of God guiding my son to purpose so I'm letting go there of worrying about his future.

All I want to do is assist single mom's on this journey. Maybe eventually dads if a male comes along who can relate and partner with me. I want to be a fill in for those young people who aren't being noticed and need someone to believe with them. I want to offer what I've learned over these 16 years as a single mom and 11 years as a educator to others who can't afford to pay for it without starving or being homeless. I don't have all the pieces but in the days ahead as I sit quietly with God, my steps will be adequate secure and ordered.  Social service careers are rewarding. Unfortunately compensation reflected on a pay stub is pathetic. Funny thing is I haven't lived to bad financially all these years so.....what will drastically change? Ha! I need my own space to breathe and live my truth that I've made it this far because God found me worthy. To share and show and help another mom make it. To give to another kid what I've given to KT because it works. Love and support is more valuable than anything else. Kids know this deep down.

So this post is a good riddance to fear.  Come what may. Storms. Uncertainty. The promise isn't that they won't come. The promise is the storms won't win. There will always always be sunshine and peace aftwrwards. Maybe even a rainbow. I trust that by grace, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." according Phillipians 1:16.

No more fear!

Won't you stand in faith with me for the courage to walk into my destiny?

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

#KTsDivamomSpeaks Challenge

Sunday I was home because KingKrys was under the weather. He has been since Wednesday night. Y’all say a prayer for my baby boy. I catch the service at The Potter’s House online (TPHonline) and the message (Believe) was timely. Very motivating. What resonated with me is the life I am living is a manifestation of what I’ve heard spoken, received and allowed to manifest. In January I declared #twentysixteen as the year of #Intentionality. He then issued a challenge to use positive confessions to mute the negative voices that creates doubt, fear, uncertainty, depression and other negative forces that hold up the blessings and goodness due us. The voice inside my head needs to remind me daily of the gifts and talents inside of me waiting to impact lives.

So as a believer I was compelled to self-evaluate. Do a mind and heart check. Determine what voice was the loudest and make the adjustments. I had to answer what good was the Bible if I didn’t have the faith to believe it. Why pray if I didn’t have faith I would be heard and an answer sent? Jesus spoke to his disciplines in John 6:36b AMP “The words (truths) I have been speaking to you are spirit and life.”  In other words, what He says about us (His creation) is what gives us the spunk we need to live the life He has called us to. I began to think heavily on what I’ve been professing and confessing lately. I pondered if I was talking myself out of the dream and plan I know God has established for me in this year. I wondered if I was clicking on motivational quotes on Instagram but not brave enough to speak them out. I’m even considering plastering them around my bedroom. I feel that strongly about becoming!!

I realize that I must do more than just post or speak positive affirmations and scriptures to achieve the goal but the start is changing my mindset. The start is in saying who I am, whose I am and what I can do with His leading. Please join me for 21 says of #KTsdivamomspeaks. I want to encourage myself and you to remember that our own words have the power to manifest life and death according to Proverbs 18:21

I’ll be posting my affirmations/declarations/scriptures for 21 days on my Facebook fan page and Instagram account. You can follow by simply clicking one of the social media icons above. Join in this challenge and let’s verbally create the life we want to live and then work diligently to ensure our God given talent is used and our dreams manifested.

Speak LIfe Challenge

I look forward to seeing your post. Use the hastag #KTsdivamomSpeaks and let’s pursue greater.  

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

The Video

The Video

I’ve been itching to write this post since Sunday. I posted this video and the response I received overwhelmed me because it was so positive that I was still crying (happy tears) the next day. Folks were sharing the video. Another single mom texted to let me know how encouraged she was. One of my biggest supporters sent me an encouraging message to just hang in there. The comments on the video were thoughtful. I thank each of you for taking the time to hear the genuineness of my heart and not see anything negative. I was beyond nervous being that vulnerable and transparent. But not today. Magic has happened. Ok, I don’t believe in magic so I’ll say the unveiling has begun. The pains are yielding a harvest. You are reading this like what? Without saying too much opportunities to serve, encourage and empower will result from that one video as well as what God is teaching me, how He is transforming me. Let’s reflect on this scripture:

Being confident of this, that He who has begun
a good work in you will carry it on
to completion until he day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Preparation for the promise has been a long time coming. The vision lingered because I wanted what I wanted and my plan was my plan. This has been a 16 year process. When I say the birth of my son is the reason I began to draw closer to Christ, it is THE TRUTH. Did I become perfect? NO! Am I perfect now? NO! but I am committed to living a life that is a reflection of God’s love, walking in surrender to the plan He has for me and showing others a caring friend in Jesus not some dictator who is a figment of my imagination shoving His will off on me. This has not been easy. There were so many paths I could have chosen to make life easier and better (what I thought was better) for KT and I. God’s grace kept me from choosing unwisely. Single parenting is one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. Nights I walked the floor trying to figure things out. Nights I laid on the floor praying and crying. Days I smiled when I was in turmoil. I was dressed up and shattered in a million pieces.

I kept going for KT. I stopped dreaming for me and started seeing his life as the opportunity to get it right. To not screw up. I poured myself into parenting. I still pour myself into parenting. The difference now is that I realize I only temporarily suspended my dreams to help my son reach his goals. They didn’t die. When he did or does well. I am well. When he succeeds. I win. He’s a reflection of me and his father. We want the best for him. More importantly, he wants the best for himself. I wholeheartedly embrace and celebrate the fact that I created this human who is excelling. I can do so unapologetically because I know who is with us. The journey was rough. Hard. Dark. Dreary. A tumultuous ride. But today I can honestly say that I am alive.

I can sense the start of something new for me and KT. It’s so exciting to be preparing for his final year of high school and all the fun of college selection while I began to reinvent myself for the after party. Can we say KT’s mom will be getting her groove back? Yeppers! I am not yet who I am to be. I am evolving along with my son. I don’t think it was a coincidence that we began a loc journey together almost 4 months ago. That was just the beginning of what has been purposed for us unfolding. God is intentional. He will work all things out for our good. He will restore. He will give again and again and again.

Be steadfast. Unmovable. Be confident the work will be completed. You and your child(ren) will reach the finish line. So continue to press. Find some great villagers who can assist in various ways. Keep a best friend or two that you can be real with #sisterhood. A prayer partner is a must. And if you can/need it, therapy works wonders. Remember to dream BIG. Be fearless. See you at the finish line. #RunForrestrun

The Video

If you are single parenting I would love to pray for you.  Email your request to KTsdivamom@gmail.com

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Positioned for Purpose

I was going to title this What Kenny said but didn't. In case you cared, lolol! Kenny is my oldest brother. He's the one I can talk to about anything. No shade to my other siblings cause Cookie's (our fantabulous Mother) children are thick as thieves and close than President Obama's Secret Service detail. We were raised with a strong sense of family and for that I'm grateful and blessed.

So what Kenny said to me one day was that "God created a position for David." Let that sink in. Keep thinking and sinking.  More, more, MORE. I'm feeling frisky with my words because I'm excited about this truth. David was a youngster at home tending sheep and goats but his destiny was slaying a giant to become a King. The preparation was fighting lions, tigers and bears #OhMy. He even served on the King's court. If that isn't preparation for the promise.

Here's why you can dance like this over what Kenny said:
1. The position God created for David wasn't occupied. All David was required to do was sling the stone. All you or I have to do when in right position is make a call,  show up somewhere, send the resume, JUST make whatever move God is saying make including relocating. Walk into your position. Tis the season!
2. After killing the giant, David was celebrated and eventually became King. His work mattered and affected so many his name was known throughout the land. Don't seek notoriety. Let your goal be to know Christ and make Him known. Therein lies your promotion(s) and you'll be well known to the One who matters more than anyone else.
3. Before David killed Goliath or became King, he was positioned in what appears to be a holding place simply playing a harp. When in actuality, that position was necessary to prepare David for the hard times that would come with the good. The scripture says he served  on the Kings court. Even Jesus came to serve. 

Where-ever, whomever and for however long you are giving and giving and giving and the return is someone trying to 'kill' you as King Saul did David, DON'T QUIT! Your breakthrough is in the serving. It requires a certain heart and mindset that produces patience, discipline and love to remain faith in a hostile environment. These fruits are necessary at the top.

I could go on and on. I could overwrite this post but nope, you just need to know that the same God who created a position for David not once but multiple times is alive and willing to work on your behalf.


Friday, February 5, 2016


In December, I went home to visit my family for the winter break. It was a short, welcome and much needed trip. There are specific folks that I must see when I’m home. Trying to do so in such a short amount of time can make a mini vacation even more tiring but my strong connection to my family makes it a must. This particular trip there was someone I wanted to spend time with and was prepared to do so. That was until I realized that doing so was going to put a damper on my holiday, vex my spirit and disturb my peace.

Ok, ok it wasn’t an immediate epiphany where I heard angels singing and I knew the relationship had changed. The realization came slowly. It started with a phone call. I was informing the person that I was in town and wanted to see him. He was with his girlfriend and they were having their normal argument. Strike one. I was in no mood for the drama. Girlfriend passes phone to him. He’s intoxicated. He’s out! He’s always been intoxicated for as long as I can remember.  Despite my prayers, my talks, my cheering him on believing he could/would find himself and become the man I always upheld him to be, meeting my son and knowing I would never tolerate drugs or alcohol around him…he was intoxicated. To what extent I didn’t know and didn’t care. Is there even a level after you’ve spent a lifetime ducking and dodging the foolery? Lucky (and I don’t much believe in magic) our cell phone connection wasn’t that good and the call dropped. Warning much? I made myself unavailable.

Fast forward two days, I decided to drop in on him and have that visit. It was the middle of the day. Surely I could have a decent visit and return to West Palm Beach a bit happier for the time shared. Nope, he wasn’t home and I discovered after I left town that deep down I was seriously like really really really glad. Overjoyed because I didn’t have to sit in the thick of years and years of him making the same bad decision. I won’t argue that addiction isn’t a strong hold. I lived a nightmare during my childhood years but I’ve seen the power of healing and transformation. It can happen. It takes work. Hard, grimy dirty work but the rewards are great. The kind worth holding on to so you keep putting in the work just like you do for any other lifelong goal.

Sat in my therapist’s office and shared this story with her. I cried. For many reasons. I was letting go. I didn’t/don’t/won’t make space in my life for ANYONE to drain me. I am not GOD or a god. I can’t fix others. Fixing me has taken work and I’m still working. I love him. Always have. Always will. There was never an ill word spoken to change my view of him. But I am done. I’ll see him when I can and if I don’t I won’t carry any guilt. Toxicity will spread and eat at you until you become a walking empty vessel. Don’t allow it. You have every right to be free from your past, negative relationships, hostile environments!! That is why Christ came to give me abundant life. I plan to partake. I am partaking. I feel better. Lighter.  I’ve walked into more light.

Evaluating connections to others and choosing to disconnect may be painful but your life purpose demands it. Live. Love. Laugh. Be unapologetic when you unplug.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

No Longer Blue

No longer blue...
Sweater// Old Navy
Top// H&M
Skirt// ASOS
Shoes// Payless
Smile// My own

Often times we say we are happy and it doesn't radiate from our being. But can I tell ya'll that I am becoming more and more in tune with Christ. This new me is because of my relationship with him. Daily to day living is stress free because I've decided that's the way I want to live. When I find myself slipping into negative feelings I pray, find something to laugh about (church videos work well) or journal. All I ever wanted was to be whole emotionally, spiritually and physically. I'm on my way.

No longer blue...

Beloved, I pray that in all things 
thou mayest prosper and 
be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
3 John 2 ASV

No longer blue...

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Transparency - The Why and How

The Art Of Transparency

When I first started this blog it was all about fashion. I dressed up, took photos with my camera and wrote a quick story because I thought my readers needed commentary to explain the outfit.
Then one day I woke up and remembered how much I owe the Government for my English degree. I kid!! Joking..not really.  What I really woke up to was the thought  of having a  space where single moms could visit, be encouraged and inspired because they saw pieces of themselves in my writing.
I wanted,  NO want them to tap into their inner Diva while being a Mom and take control of their journey. Make the travel what thy deeply desire not what life deals haphazardly. So I stated talking (because I want my writing to read like I'm actually having a conversation) about the things I was going through, had gone through and where I'd like to see myself go.

I sit down at the computer and the story  unfold. Out took a long time to get here. I've been on this space almost 4 years. That's a lot of life. So I begin to question if what I was doing here initially made someone believe single parenting was the easiest thing in the world. I questioned of I appeared superficial because it appeared that all I cared about your clothes and shoes. There was some other questions I ask myself but I can't think of them right now.

The result was when I would share in private with someone a good or bad experience, what I learned from it, how I grew and became better; they seemed so empowered that I wanted topi share more and I wanted to hear the speed of others like me. The layers and masks were / are being stripped away and I discovered /am discovering myself.

The Art Of Transparency

Some of those epiphanies were heavy,  painful,  bottled up from my childhood,  some were swift kicks in the pants and I was forced to acknowledge I was out of the will of God and made a messy, I'm talking landfill mess of specific areas in my life.  But they weren't all negative. I stated seeing the good I'd done,  the valuable lessons passed on to me as well as the ones I learned journeying sometimes solo, dating the wrong guy,  when there were changes in my village and support system, with a committed prayer life and when it was non-existent.

I wrote about those things. It was rewarding. I was able to look back and see from when I'd come. It was helpful to others. It was helpful to me. Allowing others to peek in my window provided insight where they might not have known what to do or what could be done. I'm no expert but real life, real people and real stories will reach my heart any day of three well. Genuineness is authentic. To be authentic you may be transparent. No curtians, drapes or blinds. Just a raw movie being played out.

That's why I'm here. To practice the art of transparency in hopes that a reader whose light may have dimmed will find their flame ignited, their spirit renewed and their mind alert, ready for change and transformation. Nothing I write here can be used against me! I've already lived it and survived. Ha, ha, haaa the irony.

The Art Of Transparency

Thank you for journeying with me. I am a D.ivine I.nspirational V.ictorious A.mazing
Mom with a story that's on display.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Birthday Letter

What I love about a new year is my birthday is 21 days into it. I’ve been thinking about this post for a few days. I couldn’t decide between writing out xx things I wanted to share for the number of birthdays I’ve celebrated or a letter to my younger self. As I sat on my bedroom floor in my robe, listening to a worship song by Shana Wilson that is so on point for #twentysixteen came to mind and I started to write. You can listen here while you read the letter below. A letter that speaks to my younger and current self. It is a reminder to always evolve.

Dear Self,
You are an amazing gift to the world. I know, I know. You’ve taken xx years to truly recognize the beauty of your story. The little girl from the small town of Monticello who experinced so much hurt and pain growing up. The kind that should have been generational but instead was broken through prayer and faith. 

Not only are you an amazing gift with an inspiring story but you are stronger than so many expected you to be. Much stronger than you expected you to be. You no longer look to superficial things to validate that you’ve made some sound decisions that has produced a hefty harvest. You didn’t give up when you made decisions that were down right terrible. That list is long but the growth, improvements and lessons learned are greater. Stop today and count your blessings. 

Besides being the amazing Wonder Woman in your own right, you have a heart for young people that should be applauded. You’ve been battered, bruised, stomped upon, made to feel that the work you’ve done and the investments didn’t matter but today reflect on the 16 years you’ve dedicated to children/students who sometimes needed and desired what you had to offer; as well as those who didn’t. Know that the good you see in the life of your son is the reward for the faithfulness and every seed sown that you often cried over and wondered if it success would be a result.

I hope today is all about you. About the love you have for your family and friends. The adoration you have for your son and what his birth has meant to 16 of you xx years. I hope you consider the faithful, God fearing, caring, handsome lover who will find you at the right time. Oh the sparks!!  I hope today you see not just the best in the clothes you wear but in the future, your BEST  days ahead. Days in which Christ will continue His work in you to bring you to a wealthy place. The place you’ve prayed and longed for.

Let this birthday be intentional. Purposed filled. Reflect but don’t stay there. Declare that you will never be the same as you were this time last year. Your circumstances won’t be the same. Continue to learn about managing your finances and save, save, save those $$$. Get your proposal and plan reviewed. Take a grant writing class. Book the two trips you’ve desired for the past 2 years. Remain comfortable saying no. Be ok with folks walking away. Embrace new relationships. STOP OVERANALYZING everything and everyone. Be gentler. Don’t stop being kind because it’s not reciprocated. If you change who you are let it be the will of God because that area of your life was displeasing to Him. Surrender and know that it will work out for your good according to Romans 8:28. You were purposed xx years ago. You matter. The world needs what you have.

Be brave,

Image result for happy birthday cupcakes

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