Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Word for Wednesday: Endure the Process

I haven’t written a TWFW post in a minute so I'm bringing you one today. I am so very grateful for you coming here to read my blog. What I never want to do is come off as living the perfect life juggling single parenting, singleness and the many other hats I wear. I also want to encourage you to be okay when life happens. Read on...

A few Saturdays, I had to take Krys to school for a band event. I came home and decided to take a quick nap and then go back to pick him up. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a definitive time so I was going to wake up when he called, jump in the Incredible Hulk and scoop him. We live near the school. I’m the mom who has her cell phone on the night stand because I’m always on it. This particular day it was going off too much even though it was on vibrate.  Most of the time my phone is on silent and I just pay attention to the blinking light, but because I was extremely tired from all the homecoming activities and the long work week I turned my phone off. GASPS!! I told myself it would be for an hour. Well it was closer to 3 hours and my son was left at school for 30 minutes unable to reach me or anyone in our village to pick him up. I apologized over and over to him (as well as the auxiliary leader of his section). I was so embarrassed and frustrated.

My son is so easing going that he moved on even though I think it worried him a bit. Me? I’m still dealing with feelings of guilt. I try to have a balance. I always always put him first. My life and activities are centered around his life. That’s not a complaint. That’s my job as a parent. This truth didn’t keep me from feeling like a total flop of a mommy. Add to that the stress of work and I was ready to move to a remote area and live off the land. I was so done with fighting to hold things together and pretending to like my job, myself and where I was in life. In the midst of this storm, I never stopped going before the Lord. I kept praying and pouring my heart out. Like David and Paul and Joseph and others in the Bible who faced difficulties.

I can only compare this to feeling like I’ve was living in a pressure cooker. Life had really gotten the best of me. It left me wondering if I was portraying a life of perfection as a single mom. That is far from my truth. Some days I just want to quit. Some days I wish whatever I did wrong to be single at 38, I hadn’t done. There are days I long for relief and help. Days I want my feet rubbed. I have days I wish I was coming home to dinner already prepared. A moment or two that I wish my son had driver’s license and we had two vehicles so I can take off my mom taxi hat. So many wishes that I was using my energy to elevate the problem rather than a solution. Even if all those problems were solved there would be others. That’s life.  The decision I needed to make was to withstand the pressure and come out much better than before or stay upset, frustrated and overwhelmed by focusing on chaos in my life.

It is said foods prepared in a pressure cooker have more deep and complex flavor. That it is good for foods that need to be tenderized.  It is also called a fast cooker. How does this relate to me or you? Well think of the pressure cooker as life’s trials and obstacles. Sometimes there are few. Other times there are moments of testing where it seems like you are being bombarded with troubles. Remember my post from this summer here and here? God is the chef. He is aware of what you or I can handle. When I feel the fire being turned up I have to appreciate that God is tenderdizing (ok, preparing) me from a shining moment just like the meal you will have when you open the pressure cooker. Trials are the things that add flavor to our character. Different spices give different tastes. When we are in the pressure cooker, life will sprinkle a little more seasoning on us. We have the opportunity to respond in a positive or negative manner. Our response is what determines if we have passed the test. Add the wrong spice and you can ruin a meal. Add the right flavor and you have a signature dish. The pressure cooker can’t do the work alone. The Chef has to include all the right ingredients to create perfection.

This Sunday after really surrendering to God all that I was feeling because I was emotionally spent I found solace in His word. I must endure the cross to get my crown. I am not exempt from suffering because I am a Christian. No one is exempt from bad things happening. We’ve all heard the saying, God didn’t promise this walk would be easy but He did promise to be with us.” Right? Life as a mom of a high school teenager is HUGE task. Teaching this generation of kids is an  E N O R M O U S task but I had to remind myself that I was called to this position for this season. Because Christ is with me, I won’t fail. I won’t be defeated. I can’t afford to quit.

If you are a single parent or just experiencing the pressure of life do know that a moment of peace and clarity is on the way. Remain prayerful. Don’t hold back when talking to God. Tell him exactly how you feel. Share with a trusted love one so you don’t fall into a depressed state. Do what you can and forget about the rest. My life won’t fall a part because I am living out of the laundry basket or the towels are folded but not put away. I don’t have merry maids on speed dial. I want Krys to drive now because he can’t but when he does I’ll have the added pressure of insurance for him and being worried about his safety on the road. So I’ve decided to rest. To be a peace. To not explode because the pressure cooker does its work quickly. This too shall pass.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Love for Leaves




I know for some of you the weather is changing and you are starting to lightly layer. I know these pants scream spring and summer but y’all know where I live. Sunny South Florida. Plus they were $7 bucks on the clearance rack. A size too small but hey if I squeeze the elastic waist up and not look squished, I am winning. I WON!

Wore this look to church last Sunday and wore the pants refashioned to work today that I posted on the Gram here.

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Another One

Urban League of PBC NULITES Luncheon. 10.19.15

I'm back with another dress from ASOS. Another wiggle dress. I'm becoming a fan of professional form fitted dresses because, well because I like my curves LOL!!

Urban League of PBC NULITES Luncheon. 10.19.15

I find these dresses to be in line with my love for Former First Lady Jackie Kennedy fashion and reasonably priced. The sizes aren't always accurate. I have 2 different sizes in the 3 wiggle dresses I own.

 Urban League of PBC NULITES Luncheon. 10.19.15

The occasion? I attended the Urban League of Palm Beach County's Youth Empowerment Luncheon featuring MSNBC and NBC's Tamron Hall  and Palm Beach State College first female  President Ava L. Parker. #blackgirlsrock #blackgirlmagic

My son has been a member of this 5 time award winning chapter since the 6th grade. N.ational U.rban L.eague I.ncentives T.o E.xcel & S.ucceed is a youth program established on the premise that young people are our most valuable resource. They are! The chapter participates in activities throughout the community and is led by award winning Affiliate of the Year, Mrs. Gloria Scott. Congratulations!!!!!

As a parent, I am honored my son has been afforded the opportunity to be a part of this program and it's FREE. What better way to celebrate and support their biggest fundraising event than by showing up divamom style. I even got a lil fancy with my face. #beatbyme

Urban League of PBC NULITES Luncheon. 10.19.15

Visit my FB fan page for more photos. Click the link above. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

single, saved, secure and sequins

SINGLE, SAVED, SECURE & sequins_details2

I rarely write about being single here on the blog. I’ve mentioned I’m a single mom and assumed that you all knew I am not dating anyone. I briefly dated this summer but there were no fireworks. Nothing newsworthy that sent me to the blog to share here with you. I’m of the mindset that entertaining random guys won’t serve me well. It would be a distraction from focusing on my relationship with Christ. So no juicy story. There’s a series that I have been watching on YouTube called Dating With Purpose created by blogger Ashley that has been influential in my outlook on dating God’s way. About a year ago, I decided that I wanted to date intentionally and made this a goal. It has been both good and bad. I met a really really nice guy this summer whose company I was able to enjoy for a week. Yeah that’s all. He disappeared one day and resurfaced two days later and said we should friends. I blocked him and never looked back.

I’m not going to use my writing space here to give credit to the negativity surrounding dating in this day and age or how weird grown men act when it comes to pursuing. I do know that I am worth a God kind of love. Because of this I am focused on my relationship with Christ, getting my son through high school and off to college, growing into a Proverbs 31 woman, what I call actively waiting to be found by the One God is keeping and has for me and seeing some dreams manifest. This tee I’m wearing speaks volumes to where I am in my relationship status.

SINGLE, SAVED, SECURE & sequins_details

Before you roll your eyes and wonder girl how are you secure lemme go ahead and tell you that being secure  doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in the market to meet someone. It does mean that I’m loving, living and enjoying life. I'm where I'm suppose to be in this season. That i believe that God's provision is really available. That's security! You know what they say. If you aren’t loving, living and enjoying life alone when another person comes into your life, you’ll still be attempting to capture feelings of peace about where you.

Now on to the outfit that I LOVE. The tee is from Ashley’s line. You can get it here. The skirt is a silk sequin thrifted that I won’t be wearing again because I busted the seat today. At church in the studio. Good thing I was wearing this vest that I picked up yesterday from Target. I’ve been wanting a sleeveless vest for some time. They have white/cream but it looked cheap. Next time I’ll iron it. #dontjudgeme I needed to be on time for church.

Vest// Target
Skirt// Thrifted
Clutch// Love Cortnie
Shoes// Delicious via Amazon
Bracelets// Alex & Ani

Now about the photos. Now that the blog has had a face lift, I knew it was time to whip out my camera. Nothing fancy. I own a Cannon Powershot. It takes great photos and gets the job done. I took these myself using a tripod. As you can see the full body shots came out blurry. Any advice to correct this. I search Amazon for a remote but no luck. DSLRs are what’s hot so the accessories are plentiful. Unfortunatley, I’m not ready for that level. I’ll play around some more with self photography. I’ll get it right.

Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful remainder of the week!


Monday, October 12, 2015

EVENT RECAP: Pink Strydes Fashion Show

August 18 was one of the worst days I had to endure this year. My vibrant, funny, fashionable, kept it real and 100 with everyone and everybody, sweet dear Aunt Mary passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer. It was two years ago that she and my mom received not so good news. My mom was re-diagnosed and my Aunt received her first that she was dealing with an aggressive form of breast cancer. Two years later, she was taken from us! God knew that I'd suffer too many loses in the last 3 years so He provided me with a way to channel the pain. 
On October 3, I was able to honor her memory, my dad’s two sisters, my two linesisters who are survivors, my mom and so many countless others have battled, are battling and earned pink wings due to this disease. These are my warrior women. Their lives and those connected to them were forever changed when the word cancer was uttered. So when I came into contact with Pink Strydes Incorporated, I knew without hesitation that I wanted to be a part of the fashion show. It was an opportunity to combine the two things I loved for a great cause and help raise funds to assist a breast cancer patient and celebrate the survivors they honor.
I came on board as a volunteer to do social media. I knew it was something I could contribute and it wouldn’t be a burden to my already full plate. This role allowed me to give back doing something I spend hours doing daily. Can I tell you the COO was pleased and so was I. I had a helper, Natalie, a high school student who handled Instagram all night. She was phenomenal!
The highlight of the event for me personally was being able to be on the runway and lead all the women in the Pinky Swear pledge for the Pinky Swear Ceremony. This is when the audience takes an oath to have breast exams every year. I had my first mammogram on my mom’s birthday. Weeks after we buried my Aunt, her sister. The results were normal but it was painful. Yes the exam hurt but it felt like I was reliving my Aunt taking that walk and getting the news that would ultimately claim her life. When I came off stage. I cried. I miss her and them so much. #Ihatecancer
I challenge each of you to take control of your health. Know your history. Give self-breast exams to your tatas. Ask your doctor for a referral. It’s scary but early detection is key. So many more women are winning the battle. There’s hope. Get pinked.

See more photos in my Facebook album. Click on the FB button to like my page.

Monday, October 5, 2015

I Remember When Black Folks Had It Together!

If only black folks would get themselves together. I never thought I’d write a post and sling mud but honey little Troykavious and Jackquensia are no angels. They are making my life extremely difficult and have doused a bucket full of ice water on my love for young people. The same ones I’ve prayed for and stood up for in the community when folks would say negative things. No longer. I quit. The chirren have fired me from my caring, I believe in you position. I can no longer support ignorance, disrespect and the foolery.

I remember a long long long time ago that if you threated to call someone’s parents they would sit the heck down and stop whatever misbehaving they were doing so the learning could continue. Now they ask if you want them to call so it can be done and over with. Often times when you call parents they are trying to tell a story about what the kid told them. Mind you TK and Que have a 3% average like they were being given out that day as a reward
I remember a long long long time ago when you couldn’t pay a kid to walk around with underwear showing and butt cracks out. Now everyone is beating everyone doing it. Males and females alike. Then have the audacity to look at you sideways when you get them confused. Belts aren’t for spankings nor holding your pants up. And if you remind them where their natural waist line is, they hold the pants up with their hands until they are out of your view. OR…they use the belt to strap the pants mid-waist. They even show up like this to church or formal events.

I remember a long long long time ago when respect in the black community was expected because of the reverence we held for our seniors and the love we had for our parents or guardians, each other and the neighborhood. Now we demand it like thugs do on the streets. Children will say the most disgusting things with the expectation that you yield your position and respond to their demands. BUT only because this is the way they are being reared at home. The Bible speaks candidly of spoiling your children. They will and I type this with certainly someday turn around and display the same disrespectful behavior towards the hand that feeds them if not worse. I’m just gonna sit back and wait for that day to arrive.

I have no empathy for the mom who says she can’t do anything with the child(ren) she bore in anguish and pain. Good for you. I just pray both of you wake up before you meet a horrendous fate. Attempting to correct a child who has the mindset of an adult because they have been allowed to be an adult has never and I could be wrong gone well. Read the newspaper. There are too many kids being tried in the justice system as adults. Not because they are. Bot because thy did adult things just because. They were acting like one and lucked on adult consequences. Too late! Note: I’m not referring to children who have to step up and advocate for themselves and help care for younger siblings. 

Look children don’t ask to be born but they don’t come here programmed to become wonderful adults and citizens. That’s why they have you to guide them and help them figure out this thing called life. Black folks always sent their kids at their best out of the home to represent the family. Now that the family structure is destroyed and homes are so dysfunctional, most of the adults are just glad the child isn’t at home. 

Image from Pinterest
We can give all the excuses we want but my recent experiences have nothing to do with being poor, uneducated or the police. It is simply that black folks need to do better. Other folks do too but I’m not representing for them. I can’t explain to you what it feels like to think that the young people I’m surrounded by will be ok in some shape, form or fashion if I’m not around. I want to be as far far away from the negative as possible for my own peace of mind.  I can’t even answer the question who is going to stay in the fight if not me because I’m to injured to stay in this fight. So the answer is definitely not me. At some point I must separate myself from what I know I am doing, can do, what I desire to do and what I’m up against. How long can I hold onto the good old days when parenting mattered in the black community? This wasn’t just a mom or dad but the village. Now the village will celebrate the tragic, nonsensical and embarrassing trifling behavior a kid is doing and dare you to correct it. Well until black folks get it together I’m checking out on my people.  

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