Saturday, September 26, 2015

Meet Me At The Crossroad

Image from Pinterest

What do you do when all you’ve ever believed and thought to be true about your journey in life appears to be a lie, the wrong path and something you so desperately want to walk away from even though you can’t? What do you do when heart is on life support because others have trampled, smashed and slammed down the optimism you once had and what’s left is doubt, worry and frustration. That’s how I feel about teaching. For years and years, I would tell myself I was built for this career. That I’d outlast most of the powerful people because eventually they’d make enough money to live comfy, retire and stop pretending to care about black kids in failing schools. I longed for the day when Superman would really show up and help us (educators) regain respect, control of our classrooms and jump start our hearts. 

Image from Pinterest

For some this may have happened. For me, it has been a constant battle to believe that I matter and that what I do matters. I’ve waited for someone else to see that we can teach kids to pass standardized state test in packs but unless they qualify for college or a career, these same kids will still end up on the corner, working meager jobs or killed at the hands of each other and police. There is a direct correlation and I’m not going to argue the never ending school to prison pipeline. It really does exists!  I’m just sharing that I’m a crossroad with nowhere to go. No other possible job leads. I’m not financially fit where I can afford to take a substantial leave. Hell, I’m a teacher and I’ve never seen performance pay. I’m not even sure where to begin to reinvent myself.

I know there’s other teachers or other careers who have moved on when the joy of showing up to work had completely diminished. I know some of you reading this may have at some point in life been courageous enough to throw caution to the wind and jump into new territory but I’m terrified. That’ll I fail at what I’d really like to do. What I know I can do. That I can’t make a generous income serving our youth. Yes, many others are doing it. I’ve read all the memes that tell me if you are doing what you love it won’t be work. How I’d wake up each morning with a spring in my step ready to take on the day. Teaching takes a great deal of work. I’ve wrote about this many times here. But this time is different. I can’t shake the funk. The second guessing myself that I’ve stayed too long. The only time I feel like myself is when I’m actually teaching what isn’t being dictated to reflect what my neighbor 3 doors down is doing at the same minute, hour, second with the same materials with no deviation from the plan or boom I got you. Really (gives a Phadrea face)?! 

Image from Pinterest
For as long as I can remember teaching was my thing. I played school as my childhood game of choice even though my cousins and siblings wanted to stuff me behind the couch and do something else. I started teaching little babies from the atechism in church when I was just a few years younger than them. I’ve had college trained Pastors tell me I have a gift to make things current and relatable to the children. I even had a Principal write it on my evaluation. So part of what I’m feeling is me, losing my touch for so many reasons.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not
crushed; perplexed, but not in despair persecuted,
but not abandoned; struck down,
but not destroyed.  2 Corinthians 4:8-9

And so I find myself after 11 years back in my #WarRoom seeking direction. Releasing my cares and worries to the One who planned my life and holds the outcome in his hands. I’m waiting to hear what’s next. I really do hope there’s a next and soon. Cause all I want do is love on kids and teach them what I can so they in turn can become critical thinkers to survive in a world that doesn’t value teachers or them. What good is success on a test if you can’t succeed in life? We have still missed it with our educational system and my tiny voice has been drowned out by the noise of this is just the way it is. Am I really suppose to accept that? I often times envy those who are indifferent. I wish my heart wasn’t invested. Not really.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Burgundy Meets Nude and Black

Shoes//Just Fab

This is how you dress when you want to partake in Fall trends but you won't dare to wear any type of Fall clothing because it's going to be sunny until January maybe later. Winter who? The only thing you'll find me doing on the regular to embrace Fall is wear a vampy lip. Actually I've done this all summer. I am not a fan of fall fashion. I do own boots and coats and even a few long sleeve sweaters but I rarely wear them. If you follow me on Instagram you'll see this color combo is quickly becoming a fave. I was once the blogger who owned a lot of blue, then red and now burgundy or oxblood (which ever is your preference). I think I'll style this skirt with gray the next time I decide to wear it. And I can always do gold to rep for the best college in the state, FSU.

By the way, these were taken 2 Sundays ago. I've been so busy and unable to post. I'm volunteering with a nonprofit that's hosting it's 6th annual fashion show to support breast cancer patients and survivors. If you're in the area and interested in attending you can get a ticket here I'll be working behind the scenes handling social media.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Most Days



Friday night I started writing this really long post when I was all in my feelings about work and feeling like a failure. Similar to ones I've written where I've questioned if I am where God wants me to be. It turned out to be a BIG blog of complaints and probably would have been depressing. So I scrapped it. Most days, I know that I am doing a needed work. Most days I don't get pushed to the point where I want to quit on the kids but these children are so very very different. And that's why I choose to stay. I can't allow them to ruin their lives and not finish high school. If I can influence them in a positive way to stay the course because someone loves them and cares the I'm there, Monday through Friday.

I had to come to terms with my biggest enemy isn't them. Some of the students have the worst home situation, only know how to drive folks away and reject any form of love, care and concern. My job is to know this going in and work around it. My biggest enemy is me fighting with my purpose. I didn't plan to teach more than 6 year when I began in 2004. I've made a lot of plans that haven't been in alignment with God's plans. Most days, I'm prayed up and ready to face another day because the good really does outweigh the moments of frustration. Most days, you run into a former student who is glad to see you especially because they are no longer in your class doing way too much homework.

Please don't forget to send us your best child(ren) daily. We care. Please don't forget to say a prayer for the educators who count it a privilege to stand before students and impart into their hearts and minds. Most days are rewarding and I leave with a clean desk, papers graded and copies ready for the next day. Most days..


Wednesday, September 9, 2015


Necklace//Very old

As the season changes, I've began to think more about my own life and the changes that have occurred. God is faithful.  My journey hasn't been one of ease. There have been more brick walls than needed to construct a house. Many times it was due to my own stubbornness. Wanting to have it my way. Not acknowledging Christ and allowing Him to be Lord of my life. No longer. I've been pursuing Christ diligently and He has rescued me.

Psalm 116:6 Amplified Bible (AMP)

6 The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He helped and saved me.

Someone wrote a comment on my Facebook page yesterday that I was Ms. Palm Beach Diva and I replied, "that I am just a small town country girl living the life only God could give me". I've written a few times on my blog about where I come from, my childhood and the struggles of single parenting. Those times of testing should have broken me but God had plans for all my troubles. So this morning as I was preparing for work and praying, I started to reflect on that comment. In doing so, I started to tear up. I began to count up all  the miraculous things God has done for me and my family. Innumerable.  I'm talking about saving lives from death, from long prison sentences, from losing everything, surviving multiple deaths in the past 4 years, allowing me to parent a well rounded manner-able, handsome son on a teacher budget...I could go on and on. Those are some of the B I G things. I have a car, a job, a comfy apartment to sleep in. Nope, I don't own a home and that makes me what? Mortgage free baby! I have a relationship with both of my parents, my siblings and I are like quads even though we range in age. There are so many people who don't have strong connections with family.

Then I began to think about how my life could be. If God allowed the wrong choices I've made some recently and others many many years ago to play out. I'd be in a mess. Be a mess. Fallen. Lost. Like a ship being tossed on a stormy sea with no direction. Yet, because of His love for me. He didn't let me fall all the way down. He gave me some cushion when he went on the cross to cover my sins, faults and the areas I would fail.

God is my greatest partner in every season of my life. As we head into Fall (well not really here in South Florida) and the days become darker quicker and colder and you bundle up and layer to remain warm, protected and comfy know that our Heavenly Father is standing by waiting for your total dependence on him. He will keep you warm when the winters of life blow. He will warp you comfortably in peace when the storms are raging, the leaves (problems) are swirling all around you and you feel uncovered. He is your protection. He is the One who lights your path when it gets dark and you can't see the right road to travel.

Psalm 119:130a Amplified Bible (AMP)

130 The entrance and unfolding of Your words give light

Let Him walk through the seasons of life with you.

Psalm 34:18The Message (MSG)
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.

Monday, September 7, 2015

You Give Me Butterflies

Greetings all! How did you spend Labor Day? I had lunch with some friend girlfriends to celebrate a birthday and rested. We are heading into the 4th week of school and I’m already looking forward to a holiday to sleep in. This year I was tapped to teach the 12th grade AVID Elective course and I’m loving it! Yes, more than teaching reading. I’ve been teaching reading for 8 years. Time for a change. I’m currently researching teaching abroad. Traveling and teaching. Excellent combo.

This dress. It’s called a WIGGLE dress. Google defines this style of dress as one in which the hem is narrower than the hips, forcing the legs together to add a suggestive sashay of the hips to the wearer's walk.Jan 26, 2013

Sexy sashay? Yassss please. Give me some. LOL. What I love most about it is the colors, the butterflies, it’s a midi dress and the back screams sexy without screaming SEXY VIXEN. Does that make sense? Pretend it does.

I ordered 3 of these. This one isn’t the best fit. I’ll visit my tailor to see if she can bring in the top. I have a small upper body and no boobs as well as bringing in the dress where the front pleats are. I feel like it bulks there when I’m seated. I was sharing with Shea of Curves and Confidence that I can tell exercising is paying off. My waist is slimming down but I do have hips and thighs and they gotta go someplace in my clothes. Which in turns means the top is usually too loose. But a good seamstress can get me all the way fitted.

Another plus is the V-cut back of the dress but because I had trouble hiding my bar strap and the loose fit of the top, I didn’t feel extremely comfortable in the dress so I’ll be restyling this one soon. I’d love to read your suggestions on how else I can rock this dress. I did not like the shoes and clutch at all after I arrived at church and even more so after these photos were taken. They didn’t do anything to enhance the look. I initially was going to go with my Jessica Simpson bow cobalt ankle strap heels.

Drop your suggestions below and have a great week filled with blessings, joy and peace!

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Teacher Fashion Week {3}: A Lesson in Queendom

A lot going on here but I was going for African Queen and truly believe I captured it with so much print. My momma approved so no negative comments. All of these pieces are things I've had in my closet so I did make my 180 day no school shopping rule.

I decide to use my classroom as a backdrop since the whole idea of this week's posts are centered around looks for teachers.

I count it a privilege to serve as a role model on my campus daily. I hope the young ladies see that you can be fierce and fabulous and covered. I hope the young men see classy and ladylike. At the end of the day,  I'm a professional and I dress as such.

Tomorrow we will be reppin' our respective colleges. I'll try to do a final post but Fridays are mad crazy. From working all day to becoming a band parent an hour after dismissal. No promises.

I've also recently created a page in Facebook for my blog. It'll be up and running tomorrow. Please take the time to like it and share with your friends.

You all are amazing!

Earrings & bracelet: gifted 

Tee: Target 

Skirt: ASOS

Heels: Aldo

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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Teacher Fashion Week {2}: Books & Pineapples

This look was put together by my Mother. I've been wanting to add pineapples to my closet all summer. I spotted these pants in JcPenney but didn't want to pay full price. Opps I didn't shop my closet. A few weeks ago while home from my Aunt's funeral, another Aunt was wearing them. She found them on sale so I jumped on the hunt.

I looked in Thomasville with no luck. The store had a few pair but they weren't marked down enough and didn't have my size. I found them Sunday here in West Palm Beach for...DRUMROLLLLLL $8. YES! On the clearance rack. The top is a very very old piece from...DRUMROLLLLLL again,  Walmart.

Added some wedges,  yes I'm wearing wedges and it was the perfect look. I know Fall is on the way for some of you but sunny South Florida doesn't play by the fashion rules. For example,  I've been wearing vampy lipstick all summer. So this look us definitely a winner in my book. Couple this with being in my favorite place, the library and a backdrop is readily available. Here's to another day educating minds and shaping hearts.

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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Teacher Fashion Week {1}: A Hint of Blue

Button up\\Old Navy
Skirt\\Forever 21
Sandals\\Michael Kors

This week in going to share a few looks that work well for educators. I teach in a high school. Yes, I wear heels most of the time. Yes, I teach in them. Yes my feet sometimes hurt. I'm ok with that.

One of my favorite colors is blue. The color is so serene and comforting plus it's my last name. I wear it often and love to hear my students say, "Ms. Blue wearing blue!" #funners

The look was easily created and well under $50. Remember I'm shopping my closet all school year and can't buy anything but midi skirts. I kid. I'm focused on remixing pieces and colors.

See you tomorrow for another look. Say it with me, teachers have style too.

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