Thursday, October 11, 2012

Roadblocks

As a blogger, you get dressed, grab your camera and smile. But I wonder how many times we’ve done so while in pain or frustrated with just plain old life. I have? I’m doing so now. I won’t quit though because blogging gives me a reason to keep going. For those of you who started with me when this blog was created I was a graduate student pursing a PhD in Education. A dose of reality kicked in and I decided that I would pursue another direction and that was counseling. Most of my previous jobs have been working with youth. I love it! Are you thinking she’s an educator and I have a classroom full of youth? I wish that was the case. Too much political red tape. Even guidance counselors don’t spend much time counseling.

Life keeps happening and bringing some not so pleasant moments. I know there are other people in this country with a struggle far greater than mine. I know there are individuals fighting to stay alive and I am not. I know there are students who have never attended college and I’ve graduated twice from two different ones . What I’m doing here is counting my blessings, acknowledging the good things that God has bestowed upon me. But I still dream. I dream B I G. And hard. And it won’t go away. But it isn’t manifesting either. 

I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m trying to work my way through the struggle of being a single mom. Of the monies sometimes not being enough for just the fun things I’d like to do. Trips I’d love to take with the kid. Or the worrying that I’m placing too high expectations on my own son in hopes that he will avoid my mistakes and have a much better life.

When I see, hear or read commentary that you should go out and make your dreams happen. Folks demanding that you don’t quit. Chants that repeat find a way, I get irritated. Not because the message isn’t right. Not because I’m being lazy. I’m mad at this roadblock in my own life. If my salary allowed me to do so I’d pay my way through grad school but how many people can write checks for a doctoral program? I’m mad because I’ve prayed and cried and begged for a sign, change, opportunity to move grow, to expand and become!

Are there things I would do differently now that I’ve reaped/am reaping the harvest of choices I've made previously. Certainly so and without question. But I’m right here in this moment. This time and place. Not just wishing and praying for something to happen. I’m being told no on every attempt. I’m banging my head against concert walls. I’m clawing and climbing only to slide down again as if I’m living on a slippery slope.

What’s a girl to do?




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14 comments:

Roxy Fashionista said...

I'm with you all the way, thanking God for the blessings we have in life...keep pushing, never stopping following your dreams.

Xx
Roxy

Deidre McMillan said...

Great heartfelt post, Luv it and life happens to us all, thats the beauty of it.

Demetria Reed said...

Heartfelt and so close to home. Take it from a single mother who has run out of financial aid and struggling to pay for school out of pocket just to finish 1 degree...there is a plan greater than anything YOU imagined for YOURSELF. God is amazing and I'm learning everyday to focus on what was designed for me and not what I planned for myself. There may not be enough money, direction, clarity, patience; etc right now...but eventually you'll wake up one day and it will all make sense. Can't wait until you share that day with us!

Stay Blessed,

Demetria
www.divasthrifttwo.blogspot.com

Karen said...

All I can think about is this, "What God has for me, it is for me. What God has for me it is for me. I know without a doubt, that he will bring me out. What God has for me it is for me." Trust him that it is true and let him lead the way. Stop fighting him b/c all you are doing is making yourself tired. Your destiny is just around the corner. Enjoy TODAY!

Inez| Style Chic 360 said...

Sis,
I know it took a lot for you to write and post this! I'm proud of you, God is listening and watching.


Love ya!

Kerissa said...

Roxy, thank you. It isn't that I'm not following. It isn't happening. I've been out of graduate school s year now, for me that a year too long!

Kerissa said...

Deidre, life does happen & on that beauty of having another day to dream chase there are some rainy days. What I have learned is rainy days makes things grow. Maybe this dream is bigger than I see it :) Thank you for stopping by.

Kerissa said...

Demetria, thank you for sharing your story and the kind words of encouragement. Good is faithful & there is no one else our no place elseto be fully relied upon. So it is on His hands on his timetable.

Kerissa said...

My friend on my head, Karen, o do believe that He had a plan. I'm no longer sure that I know what that plan is. Not even an inclination. I was for sure I was moving in the tight direction. Then....poof all gone! After reading your comment all I can do is go back in prayer & listen for direction. Thank you!

Kerissa said...

Inez, I'm do grateful for our connection. You, yourself are a testament to God's braking power, grace to set things back in order and a reflection of His love. After we chatted, the fear was gone :) Sis, you ate a blessing!!

Fashion Pad said...

A great message that I've held on to in times of tribulation is "keep on praying". It's from a past sermon my pastor spoke on and what the message is basically saying is, you must continue to pray without ceasing. God should know that you love and praise him during the good and bad. Praise him because you know your breakthrough is coming. Live for now, not the past. Your present choices and attitude with help guide you to the future you so desire. God bless you and your family. I'll be praying for you.

Channing in The City said...

This was very brave of you to post. I think that it's normal to feel this way and believe that you deserve more. Make the vision plain and trust God for it to happen :)

I hope that you're feeling inspired again!

Roodlyne @anointedheels said...

What a girl to do? is the million dollar question... one thing I've learn from roadblocks is that they can't stop God's blessing on your life. God will make a way around, though, over the darn roadblock!

and even when it's doesn't seems to be happening YET... I got his word on friday "Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, "It is because God has made
me forget all my trouble..." Gen41:51

FORGET!!! really? how can Joseph forget all he went thru? I know he was bless but forget? whatever then God whisper to me "I'm that Good" so that's super exciting because when you BIG!girl you gonna forget the darn roadblock!
so roadblocks go kick rocks! you got a blessing coming!!

MissRockwell said...

Girl...I know exactly where you're coming from. So many times I've felt like giving up but then I had to look back on all that God has blessed me with and then I rethink my previous thoughts. Stay persistent with prayer. God is ALWAYS on time.

http://thriftyandshameless.blogspot.com

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