PLEASE GRAB A BOX OF TISSUE BEFORE READING
I’m a big texter but Saturday night I received a text that rocked my world to its very core. Yep, when I heard and confirmed via Twitter and Facebook that Auntie Whitney Houston had transitioned; I cried for three hours. One of those was spent listening to her songs on Pandora, the radio and pulling out my cds. I danced, I sang to the top of my lungs off key and I lay across my bed and cried uncontrollably.
But let me back up so you can understand why I reacted to her death as I did (cause I know you are giving me the WTW ?!?! look).Especially since I’d never met her or seen her in concert or even blogged about her as one of my favorite celebrities. I snatched up the phone after it was confirmed, called my mom and sobbed into the phone while asking her why weren’t we able to save one of God’s precious children? Where were the folks that were in her Hollywood on top of the world I’m rich and famous circle that should have flush the drugs down the toilet or dragged her to rehab as her mom Mrs. Cissy Houston had once done? This was the question I asked Moms and I’m still asking folks. AND AWAITING AN ANSWER TO.
Yes I know it isn’t that easy. I know first hand! All to well the demons, the look, the pull and the hold. I’m not a user but a daughter of one. I can understand Bobbi Kristina from this perspective. No my father wasn’t known worldwide but everyone in my community knew. The students and staff at my school knew. I hated the drug abuse. There were days I hated him. What it did to our family. To my MOM. To me. On the other hand, I’ve never explored drugs. I haven’t desired a taste of cocaine or crack. Being surrounded by drugs, living in a small town with nothing much to do and enough crime to keep the wanna bes entertained provided me the opportunity to fail but I didn’t.
I feel it is an appropriate time to say: “Lord, thank you for your amazing grace.”
Not because I am better or was stronger than our dear sister Whitney. God heard the prayers of my mother (THANK YOU MOM)!!!! Just like I believe he heard Mama Cissy’s cry to rescue her daughter. My heartaches to know the power of a praying mother ended in what we see as tragedy. But the truth is GOD rescued Whitney from the destructive path she had taken. If you follow me on Twitter @KTsdivamom I shared some lyrics today from her song “I Look To You.” She was tired. Her spirit was broken. The stage had taken her on a path her roots in gospel never intended.
What I won’t do is remember the bad days, images, comments and blog posts from the media and others who were unable to forgive her. Who am I to judge? My father is in my life. He’s been forgiven. There are strict rules for our interaction because I do not have to allow anyone in my circle who isn’t living to the standards I desire to live my best life and provide a life of stability, peace and calm for my son. What we must do is address the issue. Refuse to tolerate it. Drag the person kicking, screaming and cursing to get help. We never saw Whitney at the crackhouse. Who was her provider?
I know that by sharing this with you I am healing more. Amy Winehouse’s death triggered emotions in me that I didn’t know was there. Thankful for my sister Nikki who listened and let me cry and talk about it without judging. I want to be free. Drug use isn’t just about the abuser. Let’s be sensitive to the needs of her family and closest friends at this hour. Don’t be so judgmental. You never know who has lived this life. I did but you wouldn’t guess it from my outfit post………………………..
Forever Remembering Whitney,
Because I didn’t want this to be a gloom and doom post I decided to go ahead and share:
What I’m wearing:
Earrings, skirt (seen here) & belt: thrifted
Top: Ann Taylor Loft (Old)
Sandals: Aldo Geidiner (Birthday gift to self)
Flower in Hair: Forever 21 seen here