Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Another Wedding & Another Floral Dress

Two weeks ago I attended my cousin’s Kimyarra’s wedding. Unfortunately I didn’t get any really good wedding photos. I did take some myself but they came out horrible. They looked fine on the camera but when I went to upload them to Facebook, they sucked.

I did manage to get a few decent shots of KT, my mom and me wearing my cute but kinda short floral print dress (Thanks Mrs. V!).  I was so anxious to wear this dress. Initially it was pulled out for church but as you can see it isn’t church attire. Keep praying for my dresses to get longer. He’s not through with me yet (wink).

Dress: NY & Co.
Shoes: Victoria Secret seen here.
Clutch: Sonia Kashuk for Target (came in a $30 makeup brush-set I paid $6 for!)

I hope you haven’t given up on me. I’m officially finished with my graduate course. It is such a bitter sweet accomplishment. I finished my final project after suffering from a sever writer’s block. So thankful for a praying mother. She was up with me at midnight praying that GOD would work through me. He did!! I scored an 18 out of 20.  Yay me and Jesus J

Hope you are well

Air Kisses,

Friday, August 26, 2011

Forged by Fire

It's Friday folks and noone is happier than I am to see today!!!! I really miss blogging more frequently. I am on my last week of class and working on a final project that's isn't coming together like I expected. As soon as I can rest my mind and regroup I'll be back rambling and begging the kid to shoot a few outfit pics a few times per week.

I've also been sitting quietly with myself trying to make sense of what has happened lately, where I am and what I need to do. Yep all about me. No blaming others.

You see work is just one throne in my flesh. My head continues to spin as I try to accept my dream of completing grad school being on hold. One would think GOD knows how badly I want to achieve this goal but for now He says nope. Right here. Continue teaching. Not a pleasant feeling at all! So my prayer has become the Serenity prayer. I need to accept what I can't change at the moment and still smile.

I'm also seeking His wisdom in being genuine everyday. I need to be real with myself and around others. Not in the manner of telling those who have an ear for gossip what's happening in my world. What I'm referring to is being able to stand tall and be the woman of faith I write about here. Sadly, I've fallen really short in this area.

I admit that has been horribly difficult. I know GOD hears our prayers. He cares about the things we go through. But what do I do when the trial doesn't get lighter? When it seems like the painful fiery darts of life are zooming all around me?

This deal at work triggered multiple spinoffs of events. My money changes and we know in this economy & being a teacher doesn't make for a baller's status. I had to tell my son I was demoted. Oh the feelings of failure I've struggled with. When you work hard on any job one of the things you expect is promotion.

A beautiful & successful woman shared with me that it maybe time to reevaluate moving on when your ability to grow in a situation has ceased. I agree 200% but the jobs as we know aren't there. I also don't want to complain when sooooo many people are in need of employment & many more join the club everyday.

I also have to make M A J O R spending adjustments. This really hurts. I have one kid & shop at thrift stores but lately I've had to say No. And there goes the feelings of failing at being a good mom. And ya'll know a fantabulous pair of stilletoes takes a day to new heights ;).

I'm receiving a lesson in forgiving myself and accepting ownership for my role in where I am today. Remember I said self reflection. Re-evluating what I want now and my future. I have also had to get over myself. Yep, life happens even to me. Being in the will of God doesn't make me exempt. Troubles don't mean I'm outside of His will.

So while I'm away there are things He's teaching me about His way, about myself and life. I hope this test brings hope and deliverance to someone else some place else who may be struggling with feelings of failure, frustration, being stuck, dreaming BIG and seeing little results so you think, financial hardship and wondering when will your moment of breakthrough & breakout arrive. Ohh and don't forget the why, why, whys that can dance around in your head. Right???

I am reminding myself and to you today, He's still on the throne! Keep pushing. I am. KT gives me a reason to laugh, to remain in the race. More importantly, I don't want to not become the Woman of God I was designed to be.

Enjoy your day. God is watching over you my friend.

Air Kisses,
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Monday, August 22, 2011

Maybe I Should...

Maybe I should invest in some casual clothes for work. I was kinda over the dressing up in hopes that a. folks would get a life and b. I would be judged by the results I produce at work rather than my $5.00 outfit that looks like I spent $150.  Yep there I got that off my chest! Breathes easier.

I got away this weekend and had a nice visit with my mom and KT. I was able to sit on the front steps, enjoy the sounds of nature, spend a minute being warmed by the sun and just letting go of the past week's frustrations. Having my son back has forced me to put all the mind boggling things on the back burner. I love him for it. My son forces me to stay in the moment and enjoy it.

While we were with my mother, I told her my plans to just dress down and keep to myself. You know what they say out of sight and you are out of mind. KT being the smarty pants that he is asked me if I had enough jeans to dress down everyday. I laughed so hard at this question!!! I mean think about it. Go back through my blog posts, what would be considered dressed down in my looks minus the short shorts and girlfriend night out looks? Fail (giggles).  only wear flat sandals during the summer months. I can't afford to sustain a injury to my  cute toes at work.

The jeans I do own are skinny and not work wear appropriate. Sooooo I had to go back and rethink today's look for the first day back on the grind. KT even agreed to take pictures for me today after work. We are trying to decide what days I'll blog outfits during the week. I can't say enough how much life he brings to my life. I can't believe he started 7th grade today. I'm so very proud of my wise tween. I am truly blessed with a special little BIG man as I call him.

The weather was dreary and I'm still trying to learn the settings on my camera. I wish you could see the true color of the skirt and shoes. I didn't want to do office dressy so I opted for what I thought was an approachable look. I'll let you in on a secret. MY FEET WERE HURTING LIKE HELL WHEN I ARRIVED HOME. The shoes are cute but they are not made for a day of teaching. Hope you like.

Air Kisses,

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Return of the Kid

Today KT returned from his summer visit with his father. It was the highlight of my day. I made him dinner and we watched back to back episodes of World Dumbiest on tru TV.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I'm actually laughing and watching now. Just thought I should share with you that my pain has diminished because the kid who is most important to me came home today & reminded me why I don't take timeouts from life.

Thanks for every text message, email, phone call and blog comment wishing me well. If I haven't answered it isn't because I don't appreciate you thinking of me and taking the time to reach out. I just need a minute to process this hurdle and figure out a way over it. Please pray that my steps are ordered to a better place.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Rock: Psalm 61:2-4

This morning is gloomy. The outside even matches what I'm feeling. I am having the toughest time putting one foot in front of the other. My head hurts! My stomach is churning and knotted up and y'all know I like to eat :) My ears are ringing and my body aches.


Fear. The thoughts of what will man be allowed to do to me next. Yesterday I sat in a room full of people while an announcement was made that sent me into a surreal moment. I wished the floor had opened and swallowed me.

In this moment I realized that I had been a chasing a pipe dream that dedication, hard work and being a serious grinder would allow me to move forward in a twisted and corrupt system. I was poised. I survived the day but then I arrived home. At home I fought back tears. I've yet to have a good cry. I don't want to shed anymore tears on an educational system that profits from our children (specifically African American & Hispanic) being left behind.

I was a fool to think my love for literacy and desire to see kids healed or at least capable of moving past childhood difficulties (If you don't know I grew up in a home plagued with domestic violence), obtain an good education that will give them opportunities (we know saying just an education could be Little Johnnie being allowed to sleep in class or Juan listening to his iPod cause he's working on his producing skills) and soar to great heights. I did because of many teachers but two who are forever etched in my heart. Thank you Mrs. Phipps, wherever you are and Mrs. Gloria Norton who continues to teach HS English today.

I was insane to think dressing the part would bring me positive attention. That someone would see I could walk the walk, talk the talk and the knowledge base was there to bring change to a system that is murdering our children but also dress to impress the kids who may otherwise NEVER get a chance to see a professional young woman dressed for anything other than a video performance. FYI: I have planned to tone it wayyyyy down this year to just the bulldogs off my porch. Crazy thought, I know :(

A range of feelings are clashing and fighting to control me today. My peace is gone. My faith level is minus negative to the negative zero..at an all time low. I ask myself: What's the point of squaring my shoulders and going back into the ring to do more battle for those kids? This isn't the first beating of this caliber I've experienced. Yesterday, I lost a part of my educator self. I head out today unsure how I will function for 180 days with this dark cloud looming.

Stephen Hurd sings a song 'Lead Me to the Rock'. I'm reciting the words silently in my head. Over and over and over. "When my heart is overwhelmed Lord lead me to the rock, lead me to the rock that is higher than I".

Please pray I get there....

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Monday, August 15, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 30 of 30: The Finale

This photo was taken of me on the last day of my second graduate school residency. I'm standing on the bridge that connects the Orange County Convention Center to The Peabody Hotel (this place is plush). The past four days were wonderful. I was able to gain a better understanding of how my studies can bring about social change in the future so I've returned home more driven to see my studies through to the finish line. Keep praying for my success. Without GOD I can't do it. This is a dream far bigger than I am.

The past 30+ days (cause y'all know I skipped a few) have been the typical days filled with highs and lows. Life happens, right? Instead of losing hope and allowing my faith level to dwindle, I've counted the many blessings already bestowed upon me and enjoy summerbreak (which officially ends tomorrow ...BUMMER!).

Three other significant things that happened:
1. KT flew to visit his family in Atlanta for 3 weeks. I've missed him terribly.
2. I realized that I'm still a poor decision maker in some areas. Yep, I have flaws.
3. I saw the bestie! Cold drinks, good food, cupcakes, sharing our dreams, goals, visions and insight about life knowing it is safely protected with the other.

What an ending to this challenge. Would I do it again? Probably not.

Thanks for being a part of my readership, XoXo.

Air Kisses,
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Friday, August 12, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 29 of 30: I Will Never Tire of

READING! I'm such a bookworm. I can study until 3AM, need to be at work at 8 AM and still find time to read for a few hours for pleasure before calling it quits. 

Monday night I was able to take an hour long bath, sip a glass of wine and finish Song of Night by Glenville Lovell while Kem played on my iPod. 

There's something about a good read that transports me on a journey in my mind that is often times indescriable unless you open the pages of the same book. 

What's the last thing you read?


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 28 of 30: My Favorite Movie

I can watch this movie every week on dvd or television and never tire of it. I even take ti to school on half says for my students (well really for me). Russell Crowe as Maximus is the greatest story every  told of a handsome Roman General. I always wished he ride into my life on a horse and rescue me. Dijmoun Hounsou isn't bad on the eyes either. Kimora is one lucky woman! Somedays at work I walk down the halls yelling Maximus! Maximus! If you've never seen this movie run to your local library and be transported to Rome. The fascinating story of:

The General Who Became A Slave. 

The Slave Who Became A Gladiator. 

The Gladiator Who Defied An Emperor.

What's your favorite flick?


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 27 of 30: 2010 vs 2011

This one was difficult for me. The only major difference about me last year and this year is that I wear makeup now. I've already written about this. So truthfully I'm at a loss for words on this challenge. I've grown a lot in my faith, in my decision making and even become more confident about writing.

As always thank you for being a part of my readership. I'm honored to share my journey with you.

If you missed this week. Here's a recap:

Day 22: Click here
Day 23: Click here
Day 24: Click here
Day 25: Click here
Day 26: Click here

Air Kisses,

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Raw & Uncut - Here I Am

Let me be real for a minute. I haven't been writing nor finished this challenge for two reasons. 1. I'm over it. The challenges seem to be repetitive. 2. I'm having a rough time on this journey called life. I've been seeking God and being encouraged by others. I'm so grateful that I have this time off from work to really process things and deal with myself. Some folks aren't realistic and will have you to believe they are always experiencing the very best but not me! There are days when I'm dressed up and posing for the camera or at work teaching my students or I'm surrounded by people; yet inside I'm screaming and breaking dishes.

Life happens. What's really got me all worked up is having to postpone graduate school after this quarter. Pursing this degree is who I am after I'm a mother and teacher. It is what I do in the weee hours of the night. It is my dream that keeps me going daily when I want to throw in the towel and just quit. Being a graduate student is the very thing that fuels my grind. I know it was a door opened and blessed by GOD. I just can't understand right now why I'm having to wait.

Instead of allowing it to kick me all the day down, I've decided to return to the middle school classroom at church and work with the youth again to keep me busy. Why this path. Every move I've made even this degree is focused on serving youth. My childhood wasn't the best. It wasn't the worst either. It was one that allowed me to have one BIG up on some educators who fail to understand where our children are mentally when they enter a classroom. I was that child who had the worst night the day before but came to school anyway because it was a place of escape. It was a place of comfort. There were books and a teacher who cared. It was where I could get  nap in and still be allowed to catch up on my homework.

Now the expectation is for a kid to pass a standardized test. We don't give a darn that Shanna's mom is dying of AIDS, that Joe's mom's fifth boyfriend beat her again to a pulp and Rosalyn had to stay home 4 of the 5 school days to help her mom out with the twins and that Erica had to go help her mom do business at the bank and post office because her parent's don't speak English. Yes I taught and currently teach these type students. But if I take more than five minutes of the school's time to listen, encourage or motivate I'm a worthless teacher. So I decided to go back to school to transition into a different career where I can be of more service to these students.

Now I'm not sure when this transition will happen and it makes me sad. Very sad!! sick to my stomach sad. I've failed sad. I know the answer isn't No. I really do trust GOD. I believe there's a plan for my life. At this moment though it happens not to be enough to keep the dark cloud away that somehow I'm again stuck. That feeling of dreams come true for others. And I hate being here. It isn't a testament to the GOD I'm always tweeting and writing about here. My mood is really contrary to HIS word.

So the cure is to tune out the negative by reading the book of Psalms, devotionals, pray, listening to Gospel music and even sharing my trials here. I know someone reading this has gone through a dark day. This isn't my first. That's why I won't quit or surrender my dream. Someone tweeted today giving up is so overrated. It really is. I may  be 60 but I know that I'm going to finish the race. My mother did. That chick is my hero. She believed in me before I headed off to any college. Now years later I'm attending my 3rd one. Wow, I really do have more blessings to count than I've allowed myself to acknowledge. See all it takes is one moment of reflection to get back on track.

PLEASE Keep me in prayer. Thank you for being here and a reason to count my blessings. If you are having a tough day, week or even had a tough month or hour. Remember two things 1. the safest place in the whole wide world is in the will of GOD and 2. He'll always do everything HE promised.

In His love,

Friday, August 5, 2011

Blog challenge Day 26 of 30: Lansdowne, Virginia

This was hard because I love traveling and I have a ton of photos of the adventures KT and I have enjoyed. Lately most of our outings have been staycations locally here in Florida. Nevertheless they've been fun. I don't travel much without. Two years ago my mom came to visit and I left my son during the Christmas/New Year holidays to attend a graduate school residency in Virginia.

Taken 1/1/2010
This is when I wore no makeup. Big difference eh? It was also my first time seeing snow. Each time I would visit my Godmother in Maryland the snow would melt before I arrived or after I left it would snow. I had a fantastic trip, learned a lot and made some new friends. I must mention the scenery was great too but it was awfully cold. It was like the wind took a bitter pill and would whip the heck outtta ya! NO cold states for me unless I'm promised a free new wardrobe.

I'm proud to say I own a wool coat from Old Navy that my mom told me to purchase off a clearance rack. It was a size too big but now is the perfect winter travel coat. I layered and made it work. I keep it  clean since there's no need for it here in South Florida.

Do you own a garment that is not useful where you currently live? What about traveling? Are you a fan?

I'm almost finished with this challenge. Yassss! I'm getting kinda bored.

Happy Friday Folks,

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 25 of 30: Inside My Handbag

Here's today's handbag my black Steve Madden satchel. I love that the inside is pink. I haven't carried this much while on break. My straw bag has been the it bag. Plus I haven't ventured out much in the past week.

This post will probably support men declaring we have too much stuff in our handbag. What do you think? Am I packed to tight?

I have from left to right a pouch of junk. It has a mini notebook, pen, pencil, highlighter, stud earrings For an emergency, cards For the library and point cards for shopping. There's coupons, postage stamps & a eyewear cleaning cloth.

On top of the pouch is a pill box of Advil and my purse hook. I do NOT put my handbag on the floor in public places or hang it on the back of a chair. This is my second hook. My first was a high heel shoe (:

Next is my black Michael Kors wallet. The matching wallet for my MK navy blue satchel broke. Macy's replaced it with zero trouble. On top of that is an oatmeal pie. I ate it after I saw it was crumbling from hanging out in my bag.

My Kindle (I know I need a cover),makeup bag seen in a previous post, oversized shades (got these at Goidwill gor about $2) and a container of Cheez-its. I went out to study today and I always put snacks in my bag. Do you keep snacks in your purse?

And finally a few reciepts plus a McDonald's coupon for a free mango pineapple smoothie. I plan to snag it tomorrow. Have you tried them? Are they good? I'm a fan of Wendy's strawberry shakes but have yet to try the ones at McDonalds.

Hope you enjoyed this peek inside one of a girl's best accessory.

Air Kisses,
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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 24 of 30: You Mean So Much to Me

This is the Word of GOD. I have what it says I can have. I can do what it says I can do. It allows me to walk in power not weakness, victory not defeat, health not sickness. It says I'm above not death. I'm the head and not the tail. When I open this book I am taught a principles that are life changing. [We declare this affirmation each Sunday before we partake of the message]

These are two of my favorite versions of the Bible.

I know some of you came here because I post a few outfits and you LOVE fashion as much as I do. My most important job here is sharing my faith. I am in no way flawless. This is why I can openly acknowledge what I believe. I am not demanding that you believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. If you've tried it and it doesn't work for you. Fine.

I'm just serving up the truth of how I came to be what you "think" you see here on this blog. Without my relationship with GOD I wouldn't love myself enough to shop at Goodwill. No kidding! I use to think success was based on owning a home, designer duds, a fancy car and high paying job. I have none of those things.

I smile daily because I have hope found within the pages of this great book. It really does mean so much to me.

Air Kisses,

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Blog Challenge Day 23 of 30: Facts, facts and more facts

Hope I don’t list facts you already know:
1. My son makes my world brighter.
2. I wish I could sing.
3. I’d like breast implants.
4. I’m more like my mother than I care to admit.
5. I have a love/hate relationship with teaching.
6. I’d like to marry a rich man. NO KIDDING!
7.  I eat all the time.
8. I don’t work out but I am active.
9. I ran track, was a majorette and class Vice President in high school.
10.        I’m a social network junkie.
11.        I’d like to write and get paid for it.
12.        Teaching is my 2nd career.
13.        I worked in Juvenile Justice prior to teaching.
14.        I wanted to be a forensic scientist but hate math.
15.        I love school, currently hold 3 degrees and would like one more after I finish my PhD.

Anything else you’d like to know? Ask away. No Formspring for me though :)

Blog Challenge Day 22 of 30 & Giveaway Goes To...

But I think it's about forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Today’s challenge is a letter to someone who has hurt me sooo here I go. I chose to write this letter to those who are still a part of my life and those who I love but no longer allow in my intimate circle. I’ve hurt friends, enemies & I've been hurt by others. Some hurts have been intentional and others just happened. May this letter bring healing to all who read it. 

Dear Friend and Foe,
I want to let them know that you are given. I’ve also forgive myself for the role I played in allowing myself to be hurt by you as well as the pain I caused you to hurt me or in return for your actions. My Mother taught me a long time ago that I can’t control the actions of others. She also taught me that I am fully responsible for my reaction(s) so how I jump off better be good. This is why today I've decided to write and let you know there no need to relive the painful encounters. My decision is to bury it in the sea of forgetfulness. You know the one where Christ has thrown my past. I pray that you are being favored and blessed, that you won’t continue to hold anything against me or yourself. Life is too short to center it around pain and regrets. While the music of life is playing I hope you dance. I will.

And the subscription to MORE magazine goes to

 Inez at StyleChic360.
I will be contacting you shortly for a mailing address.
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