We all go through not so great moments in life and I’ve had a few this summer. My statistics class didn’t work out. Actually I was told that maybe I wasn’t doctoral material by someone who did not have the right to speak into my life. I just want to issue a PSA here: Teachers be careful how you handle your students. You have the power to destroy a dream or motivate/help a student reach their best potential. Don’t abuse it! How encouraging was that statement, right?! I’m missing KT terribly (I blogged about it in a previous post: Whoever Said… http://adivamomsjourney.blogspot.com/2010/07/whoever-said.html ) and my summer has been super quiet. For those who really know me, I’m always on the move, on the go and juggling a few projects.
I was feeling like a fish out of water or covered with oil. Both are equally awful. My grandmother always said trouble don’t last always and it didn’t. I can hear Donnie McClurkin singing “if you wait on the Lord, HE will always come through”. The past two days have been fascinating. Nope, I won’t be sharing any juicy gossip about someone else or one of my dating adventures. This one is much more exciting. As I’m writing this I’m wearing a huge kool-aid smile. I have a reason to swirl, dance and celebrate.
Initially, I felt like all of the madness in my life was bad. I began to second guess my decision to purses a PhD. The negative voice in my head kept me so confused that I began to ask others what I should do. I was so stressed and worried about failing at something I had not failed at that I became paralyzed for a few days. I couldn’t think clearly and when I prayed I was unable to receive an answer or GOD’S peace. I considered going to pick up KT and bringing him home. I’d feel better but he would miss out on valuable time with his father, a father who is a part of his son’s life. Nevermind that the thought was all about me, I just wanted be in control! I was unsettled and felt that I needed to just pick up and go…anywhere…somewhere.
I took a deep breath and paused. I stayed away from Twitter, Facebook, texting and people. Not because I wanted to isolate myself and be miserable but because I needed to shape up. I did what I was taught to do, the very thing that has always worked. I prayed and I cried and I listened over and over and over and over and over. It took a few days but my heart was restored. My faith was built back up and I began to take a walk down memory lane. For most of us, we want to leave the past behind but not me. I can never forget all of GOD’S benefits.
Even though at the moment, nothing around me was physically different I knew that GOD was there. HE was always there and HE wasn’t going to leave me unless I didn’t have room for HIM. And just to remind me of HIS love, care and compassion HE sent a few goodies to me in less than a 48 hour period. I had my first MAC experience and am super excited about playing with my new makeup. When your heart is beautiful it shows on the outside so I’m going to enhance HIS presence on me. I’ve been asked to be a guest blogger on one of my favorite blogs: http://glamchicwithus.blogspot.com/. I met the create of this blog on Twitter and she’s been a favorite on my timeline so I’m humbled she chose me to reach the young ladies following her blog & share my knowledge about education.
The final touch was being invited to be a stage prop in tonight’s play ‘Low Down Dirty Blues’ at the Little Playhouse Theatre at the Kravis Center. Shy me on stage? REALLY?! Being in the center of all the attention? No one orchestrated this but GOD. Whoever thought the small town country girl would have so many doors opened outside of what she could ever dream, ask or think? I didn’t which are why I’m amazed, moved to tears because of GOD’S loving-kindness and tender mercy shown even when I don’t deserve it. Now I’m beginning to understand why being grateful for all HE’S done for me allows HIM to keep on doing great things.
It’s a simple principle I’ve heard for many years, when the praises (being grateful) go up blessing come down. If you can’t find a reason to smile, to be excited about life take the time to make a list and recall how GOD made a way and opened doors we you did nothing to help HIM along or deserve it.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the LORD, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. –Amplified Bible-