Friday, March 12, 2010

If It Isn’t Love, Why Do We Feel This Way?

I promised myself I wouldn’t touch this topic with a 10 foot pole but it keeps tapping me on the shoulder. One, I’m not sure that I can explain this topic since my experiences have been limited and sometimes rough, kinda sorta – I’m single. #2. This topic is so misconstrued by society that my 2 cents will probably fall on deaf ears and finally, I certainly don’t want anyone thinking I’m trying to capitalize personally by addressing this topic. Oh well here it goes…………………………………….
“L.O.V.E.” sings Michael Buble:

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore
And love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

And so it appears that everyone has something to say about who should be together, who shouldn’t be together, who just got together and who broke up using Twitter or Facebook. Yes, I’m into celebrity gossip (Why lie?) and I even check out my family and friends relationship status from time to time and the pics they post with “The One.”

I’m actually not writing this post to condemn or promote any way to find love. Various forms of media are bombarding us with images of sex, love, lust and happily ever after. Yes, I know this isn’t breaking news. What I’m more concerned about are the young girls I see everyday at work. Just this past week, I spoke with a 7th grade student who had a complete meltdown over the guy she was going out with. She said she’s in love. She isn’t allowed to date. She heard rumors. Umm, what does your mom think is what I always ask? I shared my suggestions. She shared a letter written to her baby. I gave her tissue. She stared at me like I was an old maid.

I’m often thinking what was I doing in 7th grade but I already know the answer to that. My nose was in a book. I spent my childhood and even my adult hood reading while walking. I read at stop lights. YES, I know that isn’t safe but neither is texting while driving. So Oprah has another cause to take on. I’m not trying to be a goodie goodie but I really did love school, learning and I feared the worst. What my mother would do if I had a boyfriend!!!! YIKES . An early death or worst being embarrassed in front of my friends if my older siblings saw me with a boooooyyyy.

So here’s what I’ve learned: love doesn’t resemble what we see on television or in the movies. I love good Black love stories in both film and print but let’s be honest the movie is two hours and a book is 30 chapters. The End. I am grateful to have successful married couples in my life who keep it real. Love, marriage, a relationship takes work especially when the rain is falling. Will you still be willing to share the same shelter?

No matter how hard we try ladies, we can’t make him love us, want us, marry us or leave her. Don’t be shocked because we’ve heard this one too many times yet we continue to give it up on the first day, see him after he’s been with her horus earlier, make excuses that you don’t want the hassle of a relationship and the list trails on. Everyone wants someone. It’s how we are wired by the Creator. I do eventually. I want to learn to love. I want to fall in love when I’m ready. Most importantly if I ever make it to the altar I want it to be forever.

I often ask myself if I’m in love with the idea of being in love? Can I allow someone to occupy my space 24/7? How will marriage and love fit into working full time, working part time, parenting, graduate school and now blogging? We know I would surely need to give up something. I’m too selfish to do so right now. I don’t want my son to feel unstable, neglected or unsure about my love for him. I’m not saying this would happen. I have just taken the time to go over the ups, downs, highs, lows, pros and cons. This is something many couples do not do. If they did, wouldn’t we see more people staying together?!?! I’m not talking just African Americans. I’m just talking people in general who stand before GOD and make vows they have no intentions of keeping. Children are born into unions that are more about appearance than it is a health love relationship where two people are firmly fixed on caring more for someone else than their own selfish desires.

So for now I’m going to keep encouraging the young middle girls that I mentor to focus on self-love, to learn as much as they can because guys do like girls with brains, to enjoy friendships and their parents. If I can in someway help a young lady from having to discover where a broken heart (a topic I know a lot about) goes then I am doing something positive. Like Janet Jackson’s Let’s Wait Awhile asks of him:

Let's wait awhile

Before it's too late

Let's wait awhile

Our love will be great

Let's wait awhile

Before we go too far

I get irritated when asked why are am I single when I have so much to offer? Death stare while thinking because love isn't like picking out a pair of the latest gap jeans (which I adore). My heart aches when I see other ladies sell themselves short. Actually, it hurts more when I sell myself short (all jokes aside). When I find out another teen is pregnant. Another not ready guy has left her and the baby to make their own way in a vicious world. I know where I’ve been and I thank GOD for his healing power. Single parenting would be much more difficult (because it is tough at times) if I had not loved and lost AND learned more about me, my wants, my needs, my willingness to give and what I could tolerate.

With that I’ll close this post by cranking up on the iPod a song by one of my favorite R & B divas, JHud. Check out her vid here:

A Lady Actively Waiting,

~dIvA mOM

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