Today I will be traveling home to say goodbye to my Great Aunt. She was a mighty warrior. She was one who lived life with zeal until the very final moment. Auntie was a woman of prayer, praise and worship. She was a good cook, could beat a tambourine making the heavens tremble and was my extension of the Grandmother I lost 11 years ago. When I received the news, it took me back to that dreadful day in high school when I lost my father’s mom. The truth is I had a complete meltdown. I screamed and cried. We buried my Dad’s oldest sister in November and I haven’t gotten my bearings from that. How does one learn to accept death?!?!
After my breakdown, I turned on the radio (it was Sunday morning) and heard a song. The repeated lyrics were: Lord if you hold me I won’t fall. I was able to get my praise on and celebrate my Aunt’s life. I watched her many years in church as I did my Grandmother. They had so many similar characteristics, after all they were sisters. So I was able to catch my breath or so I thought.
And the saga continues….my Blackberry starts ringing. It’s my sister calling to tell me that a family friend (we’ll call her the Great Northern Bean Queen) passed away from complications due to a stroke last year. Now I was done! What? Why? Who? When? Where? Ok, GOD no more cruel jokes. This kind, caring and funny woman assisted my mom with rearing us. She fed us, jacked our clothes up when they weren’t fitting just right and was like a sister to my mom and aunts.
At this point, I’m living under a cloud of sadness. I call my mom to pray. I pray. I sit quietly and try to make sense of this life in my head. Yes, I know I can’t but GOD’S ways aren’t our ways. I thought GOD take this person, this person and the guy over here instead of the people I love. No, I wasn’t sorry for saying it. It was an honest emotion. Problem with that is GOD doesn’t operate according to what I feel. HE isn’t changed by my emotions. What I am confident in is knowing HE does act according to is HIS word. So guess where I went? YES, to HIM.
At this moment, I’m at peace. I’m filled with joy. I’m anticipating great things in my life and the lives of those around me. New babies are preparing to enter the world, new loves are beginning, old loves are wedding, people are dying and calamities are occurring all over the world BUT I’m still filled with HIS joy. In Ecclesiastes 3 (AMP Bible), we are reminded there is a time for everything:
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace
(Courtesy of http://www.biblegateway.com/)
I reminded that if GOD holds me, I can endure anything in this life. Single parenting. Being a single successful female. Working in the educational system (teaching isn’t for the weak). Life. Death. Hardships. 45 degree weather in S. Florida. Doors closing. Change from new doors opening. A crashing Blackberry. Macy’s not having the boots I wanted, LOL! Why? There are going to be both bad & good days. Actually there are great days if I focus on the positive. There is a time for everything. I plan to use the time I’m given to help change the world. What about you?