Saturday, March 26, 2016

FEAR Can't Live Here Anymore!

No more fear!

March 8th my life was changed dramatically. At this time I'm unable to reveal all the details but SOON. I'm one of those people who will pray a prayer thanking GOD for the air we breathe even if it is polluted. But that day and in the days ahead when I was unable to do things especially taking care of my kid, I came to the realization that life really is short. God put me here not just to declare what I want to be according to His will but to actually DO IT! #teamNike

I've been a whole lot of lip service. I've failed myself, you my readers, my son. I've pushed and challenged him musically. Finally last Sunday he joined the praise and worship band on stage for morning services. Both. He played for Jesus before 600 people (that's almost 1200!!!) and here I am still asking God when? YOU MAY SIDE EYE ME PROMPTLY NOW!

I've received every confirmation that He has said yes. I really have. Doors have been opened for a few years. I can acknowledge that I've stayed where I am too long. Part of it was due to disobedience. God given dreams never work outside of His will. Psalms 91 The other part is fear and worry that dream chasing would leave me and my son begging for bread. Psalms 37:25 should have helped me with that part but umm yeah I was too I to myself and my abilities. I NEEDED a 3rd degree. Cause y'all know credentials mean I'm capable and ready right? #nopaaa

The absurd mindset I was operating in. The I can. I will and I shall. Not can God, He will and He shall. Back to the life changing event, the thought leaving physical therapy one particular day that my body would never be the same brought on a stream of tears. I had just spoken to my nephew concerning working out again once the fitness centered was completed in my complex. And then to be unsure. No way!! I started thinking about how much I given and sown and sacrificed and prayed and watched and cared and....and start the cycle again, 1. because I believe in our young people and 2. it was the career I choose. I was clearly shown by the actions of many that this season is quickly coming to an end. What I've been praying for. It was a bittersweet realization but if my current world hadn't fallen apart I would never have received the messages GOD has been sending for months that I won't fail in His will.

Now I'm not going to make a crazy rash decision but I'm going to pick up the pace on preparation. Fear is paralyzing. I've been paralyzed! I can't anymore. It's like when the children of Israel had enuff! It was time to go. They knew God was with them. They didn't know what He'd do in the days ahead but that was the demonstration of faith. I don't either. I might have to eat meals that aren't extravagant. I might hafta loose to win but if He sent manna in the wilderness, I can trust that He will send manna to me aka whatever the need is will be met. I can clearly see the hand of God guiding my son to purpose so I'm letting go there of worrying about his future.

All I want to do is assist single mom's on this journey. Maybe eventually dads if a male comes along who can relate and partner with me. I want to be a fill in for those young people who aren't being noticed and need someone to believe with them. I want to offer what I've learned over these 16 years as a single mom and 11 years as a educator to others who can't afford to pay for it without starving or being homeless. I don't have all the pieces but in the days ahead as I sit quietly with God, my steps will be adequate secure and ordered.  Social service careers are rewarding. Unfortunately compensation reflected on a pay stub is pathetic. Funny thing is I haven't lived to bad financially all these years so.....what will drastically change? Ha! I need my own space to breathe and live my truth that I've made it this far because God found me worthy. To share and show and help another mom make it. To give to another kid what I've given to KT because it works. Love and support is more valuable than anything else. Kids know this deep down.

So this post is a good riddance to fear.  Come what may. Storms. Uncertainty. The promise isn't that they won't come. The promise is the storms won't win. There will always always be sunshine and peace aftwrwards. Maybe even a rainbow. I trust that by grace, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." according Phillipians 1:16.

No more fear!

Won't you stand in faith with me for the courage to walk into my destiny?

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

#KTsDivamomSpeaks Challenge

Sunday I was home because KingKrys was under the weather. He has been since Wednesday night. Y’all say a prayer for my baby boy. I catch the service at The Potter’s House online (TPHonline) and the message (Believe) was timely. Very motivating. What resonated with me is the life I am living is a manifestation of what I’ve heard spoken, received and allowed to manifest. In January I declared #twentysixteen as the year of #Intentionality. He then issued a challenge to use positive confessions to mute the negative voices that creates doubt, fear, uncertainty, depression and other negative forces that hold up the blessings and goodness due us. The voice inside my head needs to remind me daily of the gifts and talents inside of me waiting to impact lives.

So as a believer I was compelled to self-evaluate. Do a mind and heart check. Determine what voice was the loudest and make the adjustments. I had to answer what good was the Bible if I didn’t have the faith to believe it. Why pray if I didn’t have faith I would be heard and an answer sent? Jesus spoke to his disciplines in John 6:36b AMP “The words (truths) I have been speaking to you are spirit and life.”  In other words, what He says about us (His creation) is what gives us the spunk we need to live the life He has called us to. I began to think heavily on what I’ve been professing and confessing lately. I pondered if I was talking myself out of the dream and plan I know God has established for me in this year. I wondered if I was clicking on motivational quotes on Instagram but not brave enough to speak them out. I’m even considering plastering them around my bedroom. I feel that strongly about becoming!!

I realize that I must do more than just post or speak positive affirmations and scriptures to achieve the goal but the start is changing my mindset. The start is in saying who I am, whose I am and what I can do with His leading. Please join me for 21 says of #KTsdivamomspeaks. I want to encourage myself and you to remember that our own words have the power to manifest life and death according to Proverbs 18:21

I’ll be posting my affirmations/declarations/scriptures for 21 days on my Facebook fan page and Instagram account. You can follow by simply clicking one of the social media icons above. Join in this challenge and let’s verbally create the life we want to live and then work diligently to ensure our God given talent is used and our dreams manifested.

Speak LIfe Challenge

I look forward to seeing your post. Use the hastag #KTsdivamomSpeaks and let’s pursue greater.  




Tuesday, February 23, 2016

The Video

The Video

I’ve been itching to write this post since Sunday. I posted this video and the response I received overwhelmed me because it was so positive that I was still crying (happy tears) the next day. Folks were sharing the video. Another single mom texted to let me know how encouraged she was. One of my biggest supporters sent me an encouraging message to just hang in there. The comments on the video were thoughtful. I thank each of you for taking the time to hear the genuineness of my heart and not see anything negative. I was beyond nervous being that vulnerable and transparent. But not today. Magic has happened. Ok, I don’t believe in magic so I’ll say the unveiling has begun. The pains are yielding a harvest. You are reading this like what? Without saying too much opportunities to serve, encourage and empower will result from that one video as well as what God is teaching me, how He is transforming me. Let’s reflect on this scripture:

Being confident of this, that He who has begun
a good work in you will carry it on
to completion until he day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Preparation for the promise has been a long time coming. The vision lingered because I wanted what I wanted and my plan was my plan. This has been a 16 year process. When I say the birth of my son is the reason I began to draw closer to Christ, it is THE TRUTH. Did I become perfect? NO! Am I perfect now? NO! but I am committed to living a life that is a reflection of God’s love, walking in surrender to the plan He has for me and showing others a caring friend in Jesus not some dictator who is a figment of my imagination shoving His will off on me. This has not been easy. There were so many paths I could have chosen to make life easier and better (what I thought was better) for KT and I. God’s grace kept me from choosing unwisely. Single parenting is one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. Nights I walked the floor trying to figure things out. Nights I laid on the floor praying and crying. Days I smiled when I was in turmoil. I was dressed up and shattered in a million pieces.

I kept going for KT. I stopped dreaming for me and started seeing his life as the opportunity to get it right. To not screw up. I poured myself into parenting. I still pour myself into parenting. The difference now is that I realize I only temporarily suspended my dreams to help my son reach his goals. They didn’t die. When he did or does well. I am well. When he succeeds. I win. He’s a reflection of me and his father. We want the best for him. More importantly, he wants the best for himself. I wholeheartedly embrace and celebrate the fact that I created this human who is excelling. I can do so unapologetically because I know who is with us. The journey was rough. Hard. Dark. Dreary. A tumultuous ride. But today I can honestly say that I am alive.

I can sense the start of something new for me and KT. It’s so exciting to be preparing for his final year of high school and all the fun of college selection while I began to reinvent myself for the after party. Can we say KT’s mom will be getting her groove back? Yeppers! I am not yet who I am to be. I am evolving along with my son. I don’t think it was a coincidence that we began a loc journey together almost 4 months ago. That was just the beginning of what has been purposed for us unfolding. God is intentional. He will work all things out for our good. He will restore. He will give again and again and again.

Be steadfast. Unmovable. Be confident the work will be completed. You and your child(ren) will reach the finish line. So continue to press. Find some great villagers who can assist in various ways. Keep a best friend or two that you can be real with #sisterhood. A prayer partner is a must. And if you can/need it, therapy works wonders. Remember to dream BIG. Be fearless. See you at the finish line. #RunForrestrun

The Video

If you are single parenting I would love to pray for you.  Email your request to KTsdivamom@gmail.com




Saturday, February 6, 2016

Positioned for Purpose


I was going to title this What Kenny said but didn't. In case you cared, lolol! Kenny is my oldest brother. He's the one I can talk to about anything. No shade to my other siblings cause Cookie's (our fantabulous Mother) children are thick as thieves and close than President Obama's Secret Service detail. We were raised with a strong sense of family and for that I'm grateful and blessed.

So what Kenny said to me one day was that "God created a position for David." Let that sink in. Keep thinking and sinking.  More, more, MORE. I'm feeling frisky with my words because I'm excited about this truth. David was a youngster at home tending sheep and goats but his destiny was slaying a giant to become a King. The preparation was fighting lions, tigers and bears #OhMy. He even served on the King's court. If that isn't preparation for the promise.

Here's why you can dance like this over what Kenny said:
1. The position God created for David wasn't occupied. All David was required to do was sling the stone. All you or I have to do when in right position is make a call,  show up somewhere, send the resume, JUST make whatever move God is saying make including relocating. Walk into your position. Tis the season!
2. After killing the giant, David was celebrated and eventually became King. His work mattered and affected so many his name was known throughout the land. Don't seek notoriety. Let your goal be to know Christ and make Him known. Therein lies your promotion(s) and you'll be well known to the One who matters more than anyone else.
3. Before David killed Goliath or became King, he was positioned in what appears to be a holding place simply playing a harp. When in actuality, that position was necessary to prepare David for the hard times that would come with the good. The scripture says he served  on the Kings court. Even Jesus came to serve. 

Where-ever, whomever and for however long you are giving and giving and giving and the return is someone trying to 'kill' you as King Saul did David, DON'T QUIT! Your breakthrough is in the serving. It requires a certain heart and mindset that produces patience, discipline and love to remain faith in a hostile environment. These fruits are necessary at the top.

I could go on and on. I could overwrite this post but nope, you just need to know that the same God who created a position for David not once but multiple times is alive and willing to work on your behalf.

Positioning,



Friday, February 5, 2016

Unplugged

In December, I went home to visit my family for the winter break. It was a short, welcome and much needed trip. There are specific folks that I must see when I’m home. Trying to do so in such a short amount of time can make a mini vacation even more tiring but my strong connection to my family makes it a must. This particular trip there was someone I wanted to spend time with and was prepared to do so. That was until I realized that doing so was going to put a damper on my holiday, vex my spirit and disturb my peace.

Ok, ok it wasn’t an immediate epiphany where I heard angels singing and I knew the relationship had changed. The realization came slowly. It started with a phone call. I was informing the person that I was in town and wanted to see him. He was with his girlfriend and they were having their normal argument. Strike one. I was in no mood for the drama. Girlfriend passes phone to him. He’s intoxicated. He’s out! He’s always been intoxicated for as long as I can remember.  Despite my prayers, my talks, my cheering him on believing he could/would find himself and become the man I always upheld him to be, meeting my son and knowing I would never tolerate drugs or alcohol around him…he was intoxicated. To what extent I didn’t know and didn’t care. Is there even a level after you’ve spent a lifetime ducking and dodging the foolery? Lucky (and I don’t much believe in magic) our cell phone connection wasn’t that good and the call dropped. Warning much? I made myself unavailable.

Fast forward two days, I decided to drop in on him and have that visit. It was the middle of the day. Surely I could have a decent visit and return to West Palm Beach a bit happier for the time shared. Nope, he wasn’t home and I discovered after I left town that deep down I was seriously like really really really glad. Overjoyed because I didn’t have to sit in the thick of years and years of him making the same bad decision. I won’t argue that addiction isn’t a strong hold. I lived a nightmare during my childhood years but I’ve seen the power of healing and transformation. It can happen. It takes work. Hard, grimy dirty work but the rewards are great. The kind worth holding on to so you keep putting in the work just like you do for any other lifelong goal.

Sat in my therapist’s office and shared this story with her. I cried. For many reasons. I was letting go. I didn’t/don’t/won’t make space in my life for ANYONE to drain me. I am not GOD or a god. I can’t fix others. Fixing me has taken work and I’m still working. I love him. Always have. Always will. There was never an ill word spoken to change my view of him. But I am done. I’ll see him when I can and if I don’t I won’t carry any guilt. Toxicity will spread and eat at you until you become a walking empty vessel. Don’t allow it. You have every right to be free from your past, negative relationships, hostile environments!! That is why Christ came to give me abundant life. I plan to partake. I am partaking. I feel better. Lighter.  I’ve walked into more light.

Evaluating connections to others and choosing to disconnect may be painful but your life purpose demands it. Live. Love. Laugh. Be unapologetic when you unplug.



Tuesday, February 2, 2016

No Longer Blue

No longer blue...
Sweater// Old Navy
Top// H&M
Skirt// ASOS
Shoes// Payless
Smile// My own

Often times we say we are happy and it doesn't radiate from our being. But can I tell ya'll that I am becoming more and more in tune with Christ. This new me is because of my relationship with him. Daily to day living is stress free because I've decided that's the way I want to live. When I find myself slipping into negative feelings I pray, find something to laugh about (church videos work well) or journal. All I ever wanted was to be whole emotionally, spiritually and physically. I'm on my way.

No longer blue...

Beloved, I pray that in all things 
thou mayest prosper and 
be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
3 John 2 ASV



No longer blue...

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Transparency - The Why and How

The Art Of Transparency

When I first started this blog it was all about fashion. I dressed up, took photos with my camera and wrote a quick story because I thought my readers needed commentary to explain the outfit.
Then one day I woke up and remembered how much I owe the Government for my English degree. I kid!! Joking..not really.  What I really woke up to was the thought  of having a  space where single moms could visit, be encouraged and inspired because they saw pieces of themselves in my writing.
I wanted,  NO want them to tap into their inner Diva while being a Mom and take control of their journey. Make the travel what thy deeply desire not what life deals haphazardly. So I stated talking (because I want my writing to read like I'm actually having a conversation) about the things I was going through, had gone through and where I'd like to see myself go.

I sit down at the computer and the story  unfold. Out took a long time to get here. I've been on this space almost 4 years. That's a lot of life. So I begin to question if what I was doing here initially made someone believe single parenting was the easiest thing in the world. I questioned of I appeared superficial because it appeared that all I cared about your clothes and shoes. There was some other questions I ask myself but I can't think of them right now.

The result was when I would share in private with someone a good or bad experience, what I learned from it, how I grew and became better; they seemed so empowered that I wanted topi share more and I wanted to hear the speed of others like me. The layers and masks were / are being stripped away and I discovered /am discovering myself.

The Art Of Transparency

Some of those epiphanies were heavy,  painful,  bottled up from my childhood,  some were swift kicks in the pants and I was forced to acknowledge I was out of the will of God and made a messy, I'm talking landfill mess of specific areas in my life.  But they weren't all negative. I stated seeing the good I'd done,  the valuable lessons passed on to me as well as the ones I learned journeying sometimes solo, dating the wrong guy,  when there were changes in my village and support system, with a committed prayer life and when it was non-existent.

I wrote about those things. It was rewarding. I was able to look back and see from when I'd come. It was helpful to others. It was helpful to me. Allowing others to peek in my window provided insight where they might not have known what to do or what could be done. I'm no expert but real life, real people and real stories will reach my heart any day of three well. Genuineness is authentic. To be authentic you may be transparent. No curtians, drapes or blinds. Just a raw movie being played out.

That's why I'm here. To practice the art of transparency in hopes that a reader whose light may have dimmed will find their flame ignited, their spirit renewed and their mind alert, ready for change and transformation. Nothing I write here can be used against me! I've already lived it and survived. Ha, ha, haaa the irony.

The Art Of Transparency

Thank you for journeying with me. I am a D.ivine I.nspirational V.ictorious A.mazing
Mom with a story that's on display.



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