March 8th my life was changed dramatically. At this time I'm unable to reveal all the details but SOON. I'm one of those people who will pray a prayer thanking GOD for the air we breathe even if it is polluted. But that day and in the days ahead when I was unable to do things especially taking care of my kid, I came to the realization that life really is short. God put me here not just to declare what I want to be according to His will but to actually DO IT! #teamNike
I've been a whole lot of lip service. I've failed myself, you my readers, my son. I've pushed and challenged him musically. Finally last Sunday he joined the praise and worship band on stage for morning services. Both. He played for Jesus before 600 people (that's almost 1200!!!) and here I am still asking God when? YOU MAY SIDE EYE ME PROMPTLY NOW!
I've received every confirmation that He has said yes. I really have. Doors have been opened for a few years. I can acknowledge that I've stayed where I am too long. Part of it was due to disobedience. God given dreams never work outside of His will. Psalms 91 The other part is fear and worry that dream chasing would leave me and my son begging for bread. Psalms 37:25 should have helped me with that part but umm yeah I was too I to myself and my abilities. I NEEDED a 3rd degree. Cause y'all know credentials mean I'm capable and ready right? #nopaaa
The absurd mindset I was operating in. The I can. I will and I shall. Not can God, He will and He shall. Back to the life changing event, the thought leaving physical therapy one particular day that my body would never be the same brought on a stream of tears. I had just spoken to my nephew concerning working out again once the fitness centered was completed in my complex. And then to be unsure. No way!! I started thinking about how much I given and sown and sacrificed and prayed and watched and cared and....and start the cycle again, 1. because I believe in our young people and 2. it was the career I choose. I was clearly shown by the actions of many that this season is quickly coming to an end. What I've been praying for. It was a bittersweet realization but if my current world hadn't fallen apart I would never have received the messages GOD has been sending for months that I won't fail in His will.
Now I'm not going to make a crazy rash decision but I'm going to pick up the pace on preparation. Fear is paralyzing. I've been paralyzed! I can't anymore. It's like when the children of Israel had enuff! It was time to go. They knew God was with them. They didn't know what He'd do in the days ahead but that was the demonstration of faith. I don't either. I might have to eat meals that aren't extravagant. I might hafta loose to win but if He sent manna in the wilderness, I can trust that He will send manna to me aka whatever the need is will be met. I can clearly see the hand of God guiding my son to purpose so I'm letting go there of worrying about his future.
All I want to do is assist single mom's on this journey. Maybe eventually dads if a male comes along who can relate and partner with me. I want to be a fill in for those young people who aren't being noticed and need someone to believe with them. I want to offer what I've learned over these 16 years as a single mom and 11 years as a educator to others who can't afford to pay for it without starving or being homeless. I don't have all the pieces but in the days ahead as I sit quietly with God, my steps will be adequate secure and ordered. Social service careers are rewarding. Unfortunately compensation reflected on a pay stub is pathetic. Funny thing is I haven't lived to bad financially all these years so.....what will drastically change? Ha! I need my own space to breathe and live my truth that I've made it this far because God found me worthy. To share and show and help another mom make it. To give to another kid what I've given to KT because it works. Love and support is more valuable than anything else. Kids know this deep down.
So this post is a good riddance to fear. Come what may. Storms. Uncertainty. The promise isn't that they won't come. The promise is the storms won't win. There will always always be sunshine and peace aftwrwards. Maybe even a rainbow. I trust that by grace, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." according Phillipians 1:16.
Won't you stand in faith with me for the courage to walk into my destiny?